Birthday Presence

There is nothing quite like having a birthday party with screaming kids and toxic food (known to others as pizza, pop, and cupcakes). But, I won’t go there today. You know, ranting about the food industry—but maybe later this week I’ll revisit that one...

For now, I’d like to focus on a very special birthday! It was Sahara’s 5th birthday yesterday.

Not many of my mom friends will understand this, but if you are a mom to a child on the spectrum you most likely will. In the past five years we have had many gifts exchanges; birthdays, Christmas, Easter, yes, even made up holidays just for the sake of mixing it up. But… there was always this solemn energy blanketing the festivities.

Emily usually unwrapped all of the presents and Sahara stared off in space or got up to play with the toys she found comfort in. You could hear the frustration in Emily’s voice as she would yell, "Sahara look. Sahara! S_A_H_A_R_A! Look it’s beautiful!" as her sister would just stay in her own world.

I always felt sadness in the depth of my heart that the well thought out gifts just laid there among the discarded wrappings. I would find myself begging God to help us find a way to bring her back to us. Maybe he was listening because somehow this year was different… This year Sahara participated!

She sat focused and actually ‘got’ what was happening around her. She delicately unwrapped each and every present (a total of six, which is alot)… with such awareness. You could see the anticipation in her eyes (something we have never witnessed in this child). Once the present was unwrapped she would give this faint smile of approval and pleasure (again, something we have never witnessed).

Emily sat their giggling while Sahara examined each and every gift before she moved onto the next. I quietly basked in the moment of witnessing both of my girls 'having a moment'. The rest of the day Sahara carried her new Tinkerbell and Cow doll around with her everywhere she went. She even carefully placed each in between us last night before she drifted off to sleep.

I think the greatest gift given on her birthday wasn’t in any of those pretty pink wrapped boxes, or laying between us as we co-slept, but rather in the essence of a young girl who joined us to celebrate her 5th birthday…the gift of presence.