Wi Active Day Challenge: Day 4

It is Day 4 of my Wi Active Challenge...

Today was easier than Day 2 and thankfully not as much running as the first two days. However, the first two and a half minutes were brutal. When I stated to run the front of my legs hurt... muscles I didn't know I had. And if I did, I didn't know that they could hurt from exercising.

I am enjoying the structure of the devise and find the virtual coach to be actually helpful. Although I do roll my eyes from time to time at her. Thankfully she cannot see me or I'd be running more :)

Dare I say that I actually enjoyed the tennis drill and dance routine. More surprisingly I find the side lunges fun too. But, the best satisfaction is that I am taking my own health seriously; and that feels good.

I burned 100 calories in 21 minutes today... this whole calorie thing is giving me a new perspective about how many calories I consume... I am amazed how much work it takes to burn the calories equivalent to a serving of my favorite salad dressing...

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Fireworks, Ignorance and Stimming

I was all prepared to embrace our freedom and have a great time with the family. We were going to arrive a bit early, find a remote parking lot and watch the fireworks from a distance to avoid the noise, smell, people, traffic jams... if you or your loved one has autism you know why; sensory sensitivities are debilitating!!

Okay, so plans didn't go as expected... we did arrive early but the traffic was insane. Sahara kept signing for 'sparklers' and I tried to get her to understand that fireworks are like sparklers only in the sky. People were blowing their horns, playing loud music and one even yelled 'fucker' at me when I hesitated to go forward because he was looking down AND heading straight at me... I know it makes no sense to me either. My hubby told me to shake it off... I tried, but his words stung!

Of course I was already feeling on edge... we had had pizza for dinner a couple of hours earlier and prior to that Emily and I shared nachos and pop corn at the theater. I am sure my blood sugar levels were soaring; I was short and snippy... fully aware of it, but I couldn't stop. It is so frustrating to have emotions that you have no control over... really, really frustrating.

Anyways, back to the fireworks... we found a parking lot right off main street which only had 2 cars with a perfect view towards the designated show. It was close enough to have a good view and far enough away to zoom away if needed. We backed in next to one of the cars there and opened the back to my jeep. The kids forced themselves to get comfy in the blankets. Ahhh!!

Being on Main Street we were privy to the late traffic jammers... people can be so rude when the are stressed and overwhelmed. I am certain they lost sight of the whole reason we were there in the first place... to celebrate our Freedom!! But, I had too... Freedom was the farthest thing from my mind.

A few kids started throwing snaps at each other's feet; it would have been cute if it didn't make Emily wish she had brought our's. Then they pulled out the sparklers; now Sahara was even more insistent in her signing, 'sparklers?' I was almost relieved when their supply ran out, until they started to set off smoke bombs and yep, we were down wind!!

Finally, the kids settle down and in whips a blue van right next to ours. They are blaring base thumping so loud my inner core thumped with it. Sahara puts her hands on her ears as I give them a subtle look. All the kids in the van are banging their heads to this noise along with the adults. I am thinking hard how to approach them to let them know that our child has a disability that causes her to be sensitive to certain sounds... I am at a loss and certain I could find no such words. And even if I thought I had, they didn't look like the type of people to offer me compassionate understanding.

In the mean time Sahara starts to hum... I am sure she is trying to block out the base thumping. Five young kids jump out of the van and I hear them using words like "Jesus Christ" "Fuck" and "Retard"... my blood is boiling!! I try not to let it show, but I am sure everyone knows that I am pissed... especially my own family. I am certain I am ruining their good time.

I start to deep breath and ask for patience.

Suddenly a red van pulls infront of our jeep... blocking the exit path I carefully orchestrated. I am okay though.... I quickly decide if it gets much worse (and trust me it did) I could just back our jeep up onto main street and leave. My sense of relief is popped as the 7 people jump out of their van and plop a cooler full of beer and blanket five feet from the back of the jeep... they pinned us in completely!!

Not only were they blocking our view to the much anticipated (now almost dreaded) fireworks, they lit cigarettes and cracked opened beer cans... all down wind. I feel completely assulted.... thumping base on one side of me and cigarette smoke in my face... I look at my family and yearn to protect them. I can only imagine with their heightened sensitivities how they must be feeling.

Both girls found their way on the ground to play in the dirt and gravel... I presume they were seeking a sensory activity to soothe their assaulted systems... playing in dirt is always gratifying to me. It feels so calm to have the smooth grains go between my fingers and palms. They looked filthy and it made me chuckle... leave it to my daughters to find their way to the Earth to ground themselves from their environment.

When Sahara is done she is more agitated than before because now she is dirty and wants water and a towel to clean herself up, "Why didn't I better prepare?!?!" She starts to orally stim and of course our assailants of the night begin to snap looks at us... they are oblivious that it was their rude disregard that started the vocalizations. Of course they are too self absorbed to notice andmost likely ignorant of autism to comprehend the discomfort my child is experiencing. In fact, I am certain that the first van load turned up the base intentionally when the noted my obvious disapproval.

As the loud show begins Sahara's face lights up! Once again, I am feeling tender about a moment that demonstrates how far we have come... prior to this year, she had never taken note to the beautiful shimmering light in the sky... she is breathless and utters, "Wow, it's beautiful!" I well up with emotion... I note to myself that if only everyone could see this through her virgin eyes that they would experience the true meaning of Independence Day. Liberty is within her as autism loosens it's clutches.

Emily is speechless and rolls over onto her tummy. I am certain she is categorizing each design so she can recreate them in her journal over the week. My heart aches at the pain she has endured in the shadow of autism... she takes everything on. I am relieved at the moment of loosing herself into the show. I presume this is why I try to do this every year...

I want her (both of them) to have a chance at normalcy as much as possible. I presume that the notion of normalcy is over-rated and romanticized... but I try. Sometimes I think that it is the siblings that have a more difficult time. They carry burdens with them... well, at least my girl does. She worries about her sister constantly and always puts her first, but she struggles with quiet resentment too. I try my best to support her, but it is hard!

These are the things that wake up my demons inside. I see the rugrats in the van parked next to us... dis-shelved and unruly; talking worse than sailors as the parents throw out threats of physical harm and the kids retort with disrespect. I think about how hard I try to be mindful about everything I do, and how guilty I feel for being moody (probably from the sugar levels I am learning) and I become infuriated at the obvious injustice.

Then I remember, better me than them. I can handle this... I know I can!! We will get through this moment of torture just like others and be stronger and more empowered than the moment before.

The fireworks are loud even at a distance and we are blocked in; Sahara begins to run in circles while humming. I don't even try to intervene... I know this is the only way she has to soothe herself in this moment.

On the way home Sahara was stimming with intensity; rocking, hand flapping and humming. I knew she was trying to calm herself down, but nonetheless I felt helpless. I wanted to make her pain and discomfort subside. However, I know when I am upset I am about useless to her... well, that probably isn't true, but it certainly feels like it. I know I need to tend to my needs so I can be better present for both of my kids... and let's not forget for my husband as well.

I am not sure we will do this again next year or ever... As for today we have less stimming, but it is still present. I am sure her system is trying to re-regulate. I hope someday that others in our global community become aware of the sensitivities and impact they have on this generation of youth.

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A Priceless Moment & Life Lessons Among Monsters

Movie Tickets... $9

Nachos n Cheese... $4.75

"1" Bottle of Water... $3.75

Bag of Pop Corn... $5.75

Raffle Ticket... $1

Pizza... $22

Game Room Tokens... $4

A Mother and Daughter Moment.... PRICELESS!!

I have been wanting to spend some one on one time with my oldest daughter. So, when her Daddy suggested I take her to see Eclipse I embraced the opportunity.

We had a great conversation on the way to the theater and were able to connect during the film. She tickled me pink when she leaned over to exclaim her appreciation for the scenery. Especially because she was oblivious to the passionate kiss taking place as she noticed the serenity of the ice capped mountains and falling snow. It made me appreciate not only her innocence but her obvious connection to nature's beauty!

You have to realize my daughter is not one to be enamored by the romanticism that this movie cradles. She does not have her head in the clouds of boys and fantasy... she does however love a good story full of action though (thanks to her father). I presume she was eagerly waiting for the fight seen the whole 2 hours evident by her subtle movement forward as the fight began.

Me? Well, I love a good romance... and how much more erotic can you get than to be torn between the ultimate bad guy (a vampire) and the ultimate nice guy (a werewolf)? The rawness pulls me in... maybe because my life is so far removed from this. Surprisingly, because I have never appreciated the mysticism of the vampire... even as a young child they terrified me. Perhaps that is why I like this version... they are not portrayed as the thirsty monsters that once harbored my nightmares.

However, I am keenly aware of the propaganda the this saga stands for... mostly motivated by the mighty dollar. I am a little disgusted by the chatter that I heard among women, young ladies and children before, during and after the film...

Putting that aside, I am completely intrigued by the beauty within the ability to capture unconditional love and loyalty captured by Stephanie Meyer in her imagination. I appreciate the awesomeness (is that a word?) within the world of monsters that is created by Stephanie in the twilight saga.

Am I a Twi-Mom? ...Not by a long shot. Am I a little twisted for being enamored by someone 20 years younger than me? ...It isn't the actor that intrigues me, it is the immortality, pain and story behind the character, so no. Do I think there are lessons interwoven within? ... Absolutely!

In a world full of corruption, pain and deceit... we could take some lesson by the Cullens in their unconditional loyalty, love and companionship. Imagine how different the world would be if we all embraced our own inner demons to support our family and loved ones to the extent in which they do for theirs.

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Alterna Mom's Wi-Active Challenge: The Why and Day 1-3

BECOME MORE PROACTIVE IN YOUR PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, AND FINANCIAL HEALTH AND THAT OF YOUR CHILDREN!

That is my Alterna-Mom motto! I have to humbly say that if Alterna-Mom's Blog is about promoting health and well-being on all levels of our existence, then she needs to heed her own advise.

I have insisted that my habitual tiredness and dark circles are from sleepless nights of worry about my children and obsessing over the details I orchestrate in my mind's eye on how to move forward on helping my daughter diagnosed with autism to become more functional, safe and communicative while advocating for her rights, needs and education. (Not to mention the advocacy I do for my other child as well... raising kids mindfully takes time, energy and planning.) However, I recently took my own blood sugar levels and the results scared me. I swayed between a consistent 123 and 236 during a week of testing.

My Mom was diagnosed with diabetes at about the same age I am now, 40. She controlled it with diet at first, then the pill and finally insulin shots. This past Spring the diabetes finally claimed her leg after an intense year of surgeries, heart attacks and gangrene. I knew at this precise moment in time that I needed to become more proactive in my own health, but somehow we use life as a convenient excuse to resume our old habits.

I have understood that I was already predisposed to diabetes not only via paternal and maternal history, but through evidence of gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies. However, I believe that the power of our minds, meditation and prayer can trump genetics. Maybe I am not so lucky or maybe I have caught it early enough... fate is always yet to be determined.

I am not one to run to the doctor, yet I know that there is a time and place like I explained HERE. I also am keenly aware that intention alone cannot alter reality. We must be proactive and make healthy decisions especially if we are going to stay around to see our children grow and spoil our grandchildren. I have always insisted that we must take care of ourselves before we take care of our children and loved ones. In order to be more present for them we must tend to our needs.

Perhaps the culmination of the sugar levels, my mom's fate and my recent kidney stone episode has pushed me just enough to heed my own advise. So, I bought primarily fresh fruits and vegetables at my bi-weekly shopping trip Friday night, then came home and pulled out the Wi-Active.

I decided to take the 30 day challenge... easy enough right? Somehow committing to a challenge seemed easier than randomly using this devise. So, I set parameters including my weight... ouch!! I weigh what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with my oldest child. That alone should have prompted me to do this a long time ago.

HOLY MOLY.... Can running in place for 90 seconds really make me that out of breath... I can't help but wonder if that is still evidence of my smoking days. So, I use this as a teachable moment, "Girls, see what happens when you smoke?"

My eldest replies, "You don't smoke Mom!"

"Well, thanks to you (I quit with my first pregnancy) I don't, but I am certain that that is why I am so winded."

She says, "Really !?!?," I am not sure if her response is from the disbelief that her anti-smoking mother actually smoked once upon a time or if she is amazed at the honesty that I unconditionally offer them.

I have decided to document here my progress. Although this is a public venue, I think that it 1) will keep me honest and encourage me to continue through the first 30 days and 2) maybe it will motivate someone else to become more proactive in their health...

Day 1 It would have been easy to quit; it kicked my butt!! I was panting and resting in between sets. But my daughters were watching and encouraging me to finish... Did I ever tell you that my kids rock!?!

My muscles hurt... I wanted to sit down and throw in the towel... but I pushed through the whole workout. I have to admit, I was proud of myself... it would have been easier to listen to the million reasons why I shouldn't do this... How can I find the time? How can I find the energy? How much will it cost? Who will watch the kids? I need to save my energy for the kids. I need to get this done or that finished...

I burned 121 calories! That made me walk away from the donut later that day... all of that work equated to 1/3 of the donut!! Wow, that really put things into perspective.

Day 2 It was a more intense workout (and longer), but I was amazed at how much easier the track was in just 24 hours... really!! I still huffed and puffed, but I had better focus and was better able to push through the pain. That in and of itself amazed me.

I burned 151 calories yesterday... again, I was reminded of how much effort it takes to burn off those in between empty-caloried snacks.

It is Day 3 and I am grateful it is the day to rest... my legs were wobbly coming downstairs this morning. However, does a mother really have any days to rest? It is interesting on the Wi-Active it asks you to log your other activities with time and intensity. That includes playing with the kids, yard work, house work, walking etc. I presume I am not doing too bad already because I really do do a lot... maybe it is the cardio I am missing though.

There is no challenge today, so we have planned to start prepping the yard-sale stuff.... that is a work out! But I think later we will do some yoga - my muscles feel like they could use some good stretching.

I think this is good for me... on many levels. Plus, Emily has decided to partake in the challenge... so we are doing this together. Sahara was annoyed the first day... she thought we were going to play golf or fishing (her favorite Wi games), but yesterday she did a couple of the exercises with us... too cute... this may be a fun summer activity for the 3 of us.

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A Song Reveals An Amazing Gift

Amazing!

I was looking for a song to post for Father's Day on Facebook for my wonderful hubby... being he has 2 fabulous daughters, I immediately went to you-tube looking for Paul Simon's 'Father and Daughter'.

As I listened to the words, "I believe the light that shines on you, will shine on you forever" .... "There will never be a father who loves his daughter, as much as I love you," I knew this was the song.

So, what is so amazing about that??

As I was listening to this song, Sahara booted up the computer, went to the right drive and selected our backup file for The Wild Thornberrys Movie. Firstly, we have 4 drives on the computer with 100's of files. She was able to pick the appropriate drive and find this file among all the others with zero assistance. Amazing!!

Secondly, If you don't know... Paul Simon's song Father and Daughter is the theme song for this movie. So, not only did she find this file, she found it because she recognized it while I was listening to videos on you-tube.

Amazing!!

I have to wonder... is she reading the words on the computer files or does she have them pictorially memorized? She is just entering the world of communication and although I read to her I do not think she can read.... or she can and I don't know it yet?

Any way it is amazing... if this child can memorize this many icons and files and know where each is categorized... what a gift she possesses. I think this is an answer to my question... should we revisit her picture communication program? This is a most astounding YES!

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Cell Phones: Luxury or Need?

We are changing cell phone plans and I had this great idea... close the first and post pone the second as long as I can to see how long we can go.

Yes, my primary motive was saving money... We are still recouping from hubby being out of work for 6 months after being downsized right before the holidays.

But, as I thought about it, I started wondering if the controversial frequencies they emit really affect our health & well-being and do they pollute our air & environment? As you know these are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Then I started wondering, if the cell phone tower or the "phone company" building that was next to the building I worked when pregnant with Sahara, could have contributed to the infantile autism? Purely based on the energy model... it most certainly is probable.

Of course there is also my consideration that the age of industrialization is doing more global harm then good. And I am talking on a spiritual, physical and emotional level.

Industrialization has introduced more pollutants in our environment than ever before (BP oil spill case in point). It has torn families apart as they moved away from family farming to the city life. We have left our elders who helped us raise and guide our young children... now strangers turned childcare providers are caring for our kids.

I could go on... but you get the point.

Back to the cell-phone issue... My big question was can we do without this modern day luxury that is now viewed as a need?? Is it possible in the 21st century to forfeit something that we have created the construct of necessity for?

After all, this is precisely the experiment I did with cable TV 5 years ago. And, yes, we still are cable free... Instead of television, we now play games, go to parks, read books, and nurture our bodies, minds and relationships naturally.

Well, 4 weeks is a far cry from 5 years... but, we are on week 4 of no cell phones and I don't miss it (other than the Long Distance calling). I miss calling my mom anytime. Especially since I can't just hop in the car and drive to her house... she lives 3 hours away.

Of course my IT hubby is probably going insane. He has had phones attached to the hip for years... I would think not being at the beckon call of others would be refreshing to him. He says he misses not being in touch with me and the girls. That is valid. If there is an emergency we are no longer connected like we were with the phone.

I presume that that is our biggest hurdle. What if Sahara gets lost in a crowd or what if there is an emergency when we are in the community... what do I do?

And now that we are in the height of tween-dom with Emily, we have promised her that when we order our new phones, she is to get her own. Not because we want her to be hip, but for the same reasons I think we need one. Remember the dime our mothers used to give us when we went out with our friends, "If you need anything call me!"

Have you noticed phone booths are a thing of the past?

So, I am on the line... now pun intended. Do we go another 4 weeks of my experiment or do we bite the bullet of the industrialization age and buy the new phones and plans.?

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Positivity and Exceptional Beyond Labels

So after blogging about the oil spill tonight, I saw a good video reminding me about the power of intention and prayer.... Here is a more positive blog on the Exceptional Beyond Labels Blog, A Confession, Collective Prayer and Empowerment.

If you are not following this blog yet, I recommend it. I will be focusing on the more positive side of autism and life events. Exceptional Beyond Labels embraces the concept that all parents have the innate power within them to help their children achieve their true potential beyond any label!

Hope to see you there!!

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