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Showing posts with label decision making. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision making. Show all posts

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Keep Sick Kids Out of School

Posted on 06:16 by tripal h


If schools (dictated by the state) didn't enforce strict attendance policies and had better defined truancy policies.....

AND if employers would honor a mother's (or father's) inherent right to take time off with her (his) sick children AS NEEDED....

THEN when a child was ill, the parents would have the freedom to allow their children to stay home as long as it took to get them well.

Therefore, If less kids were sent to school sick (even in the early/late stages of a virus), less kids would get sick and this would save the employers dollars; and student sick days used would organically be lessened too ~ resulting in the district benchmarks being met.

And most importantly our children would be sick less often.

So, School Administrators (including secretaries).... stop making us feel guilty for making the call not to send our children to school when the child is sick or showing signs and symptoms of becoming sick.

Employers..... change your sick leave policies. It is ridiculous to think a parent will only miss 3-5 days a year for themselves AND their children being under the weather. Especially single parents or dual working parent households.

Parents.... take your power back! When your child is sick the single most important thing to that child is a parent's care and presence. Keep your children home when they are sick!! Then other children won't get sick as often!!! And those children wouldn't pass it back to your children!!

A vicious cycle solved.

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Posted in child's health, decision making, Education, Family Issues, fathers, Home Remedies, mothers, physical health, self empowerment | No comments

Sunday, 7 August 2011

I AM ME... The Autism Discussion with my Daughter

Posted on 10:47 by tripal h

Every year the Ohio State Fair marks a monumental moment for us... the home stretch of summer break. This year was no different... until we arrived there and then the twists and turns of the day lead to an unexpected turning point in our world of autism...

We were greeted by a procession of dozens of motorcycle cops blowing their horns with flashing lights... what was the big deal??

SANTA!

Sahara is obsessed with Santa (and I mean that literally). The past 3 weeks have been riddled with Christmas Carols, crafts and plans about how we now have a fireplace to accommodate The Big Guy entering the house Christmas Eve... never mind you it is the dog days of summer. This has left me wondering why we tell our children this lie.

Now once upon a time I thought this was a magical right of passage.

Today? I see how my older NT daughter is completely upset that I had lied to her all of these years. And although I know we shall get through this, it leaves me wondering how we will address this exaggeration of the truth to our autistic daughter. The not so well thought out excuse, “The spirit of Santa Clause lives in us all as long as we believe,” will certainly not suffice to my concrete thinker.

I have even started saying to her, “What if Mommy is Santa?” And she looks at me with a ‘I don’t understand’ expression and moves on. In fact, these are one of those moments in parenthood that you regret bringing mainstream delusions into the world of autism. I suspect that this will be a very difficult situation to overcome...

Anyways, let’s get back at the State Fair.

Each year we have a previous year’s experience to help measure our progress.... and HUGE MILESTONES were evident.

From being able to ride independently on rides as we stood on the side lines looking on just like the other parents ... to her exclaiming that she wanted to go on the Big Yellow Slide and The Caterpillar (junior roller coaster). What is so amazing about that? She asked for them before she saw them... which means she not only remembered the fair from previous years, but had the words to tell us.

Having more and more words coupled with receptive communication has been our biggest growth this past year (especially the past several months).

Words were sandwiched between every activity... but there we moments that reminded us that autism was still in our midst.

... like the time she refused to stop playing with the squirt guns at the water balloon game... the Carnie yelled, “hey kids if you aren’t going to play, stop touching the guns.” Of course Sahara didn’t understand his words muted over the back ground noises... so I quickly come to her defense, “she has autism and doesn’t understand you”. He huffs away, we move on.

.... or the time she ran across the bridge on an obstacle course and that Carnie yelled at her to stop running and when she didn’t he grabbed her arm and told her to go back and walk the bridge or she wouldn’t be allowed to come back on the rest of the day. I am hot, exhausted and snap, “she has autism". Then he gave me a look like ‘make her listen lady or else’ so I add, ".... I am doing the best I can.”

A few weeks ago I caught myself on numerous occasions saying in reference to her, “She has autism”, as a defense against perceived odd, annoying, or challenging behaviors. I wondered what message that this sent her? I remember thinking that I didn’t want her to use this label as an excuse and I didn’t want her to identify herself solely on this label and so I vowed to shift my language and beliefs. I obviously didn’t do very well with the oath at the Fair.

Each time this ‘defense’ came out of my mouth, I was left with a feeling of regret in my heart. And found my internal dialog was desperately trying to find an alternate way of responding (not reacting) to others frustrations, judgments, and demands on my child who IS EXCEPTIONAL BEYOND THIS LABEL!!

I realized at the fair that this is so much more about me than her... [or so I thought]. My daughter is good at teaching me huge lessons in life... patience, faith, trust, compassion, endurance, etc. This day was no different...

After using the bathroom, she washed her hands. As I looked down I knew that she was going to tear her wrist band for the rides off as soon as I saw it get wet... there was no convincing her to keep it on. She has sensory issues around water... so I knew the wet band was irritating her wrist.

Her dad and sister took off to go ride the big rides while we headed to the other side of the park to see if they would issue a new tag.

Honestly, I didn’t want to shelve out another $22 for a new wrist band and was panicked that they wouldn’t cooperate with my request. We arrived to the tent which was empty all except a middle aged man sitting at a table. He looks up and asks what I need and I blurt out, “My daughter has autism and tore her wrist band off when it got wet, can we get a new one?”

No Resistance.

No questions.

Just an understanding nod of the head.

He has her sit down and he repairs the band and puts it on her ankle over her sock to prevent further skin irritation... pretty sure he has done this before or perhaps he has a special child in his own life.

I am taken by surprise when Sahara starts to sob as we are walking out of the tent. I get down on my knees and ask why she is upset. Her answer punches me in the heart... “AUTISM”... I embrace her and we cry for a moment together... “I SAD!!”

“Does autism make you sad?”

A very clear articulate, “YES!”

“Do you want me to stop saying you have autism?”

She looks me in the eyes and says an even more articulate and clear, “YES!!”

I am floored... I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. On one hand, I am relieved she knows about the autism. Yet on the other, it is my own damn sense of insecurity and my Mama Bear reactions that most likely resulted in her awareness.... and she doesn’t like it... in fact, she said it makes her sad.

I always wondered when we would have “the autism discussion”... I never pictured it happening organically at the Ohio State Fair. But there it is.... “Yes, Sahara, you have autism... but no it does not define you. You are, can do and will become anything you so choose.”

So there it is... My 7 year old quasi verbal child just reminded me why I educate others that our kids are exceptional beyond labels... I have gone introspective and decided it really isn’t anyone’s business why my child has quirks... and really that IS my issue not hers. In her own way, she made it quite clear, that she is not defined by autism... she is Sahara Grace. And so, I move forward into our new chapter of our newly defined world within autism.

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Posted in autism, community, confidence, decision making, emotional health, Family Issues, fathers, mothers, ohio state fair, self empowerment, sensory issues, Water | No comments

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Morning Gratitude

Posted on 07:00 by tripal h

Morning Gratitude: Thank You God for trusting me enough to be the mother of these special kids!! Last night I was listening to Sahara talk, yes talk, to Emily and her BFF and I said to Jim... THIS is the same child that the psychologist wanted us to institutionalize... even through all the advocating and tears, I am so humbled to walk this path with them. THEY give our life deeper meaning and for that I am forever grateful!! ♥
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Posted in autism, confidence, decision making, emotional health, fathers, gratitude, mothers, self empowerment, Siblings | No comments

Friday, 27 May 2011

Why I Blog

Posted on 10:09 by tripal h
Just feeling the need today to re-iterate why I blog...

My blog is a place were I explore my feelings and experiences that occur within the web of my motherhood. It is a safe place where I execute my right to freedom of speech. The beautiful thing about the art of journaling is that by purging words onto a piece of paper (or monitor screen) you release them. In doing so, clarity of a situation, experience or emotion may come forth. In making this journaling experience public, I hope that other parents (especially mothers) can gain wisdom, strength, and a sense of community from my entries.


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Posted in community, decision making, emotional health, Energy, Home Remedies, Journaling, mothers, self empowerment, Stress | No comments

Monday, 11 April 2011

Still Autism Awareness Month: Your beliefs are important.

Posted on 05:45 by tripal h

It is April 11th and it is still autism awareness month... Are you aware?

When Sahara was just 4 and a half, we were told to prepare to institutionalize her!!

Why?

Because she was catatonic, non-verbal, socially withdrawn, and we were opting to not participate in ABA therapy.

Once we got the confirmation of the label... the denial subsided... and we got to work. It was hard; I will not sugar coat it. I worked 24/7 while trying to make life seem as normal as possible for my whole family.

TODAY she is no longer catatonic, she is a funny, intelligent, determine little girl with potential beyond your comprehension. No, she isn't cured. Yes, she will always have to work a little hard than everyone else. But, we have undeniably made great strides and are well on our way to creating a typical life for her. Typical? What is that anyways?

Never except sub-standards for your child.... your thoughts & beliefs are more important than prognosis from professionals... if you believe she can, she will!!! Sometimes that is all there is to give me strength to go on. I am glad we did it MY way... Sahara will do all of the things that they tried to tell us that she wouldn't... and more!!

Why?

Because her father, her sister and I believe she can... and now we are finding out that so does she. And that belief is what gives us opportunities and empowerment. My expectations are higher than anyones, who better to be her life coach?

This isn't airy-fairy wishful thinking. It takes time, energy, sweat, tears and let's not forget lots of money that never seems to be there... but all of those things are delicately balanced between laughter, joy, hope and unconditional love.

We have come a long way in a mere 2 years... speech, eye contact, parallel play, interactive play, expressive communication, gross and fine motor development... and the catatonia? Gone like the wind.... never to come back.

SAHARA WILL DO OR BECOME ANYTHING SHE DESIRES.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS FAMILY BEHIND HER....
AND WE SEE POTENTIAL WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES...

ROCK ON LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!
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Posted in autism, Autism awareness month, confidence, decision making, fathers, Home Remedies, mothers, Siblings, speech therapy | No comments

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Lost And Found at the Library

Posted on 11:54 by tripal h

We have worked really hard at trying to integrate our six year old daughter who is diagnosed with Infantile Autism Spectrum Disorder into the community. We have come a long way, but have an even longer way to go.


One of the things I have done to help with this is to take her to the local public library for brief visits. In the beginning, she would run up and down the stacks… I can only recollect once that a staff member got coy with us. However, I believe it was because my older daughter was trying to catch her for me (which could have appeared to be horse play).

Like I said, we have come a long way! Today started off like a typical day for us… We returned our books and movies, and then said 'Hi' to the front desk manager as we headed for the computers in the children’s section. My daughter loves to play Freddie the Fish while I quickly get my reserves (less than 30 seconds). I usually put my stuff on reserve so I don’t have a need to go into the stacks. I then take them over to the computer checkout near the table she is sitting at. This gives her a little autonomy while I am able to get my task done too.

But, today I broke routine... I decided to get a few books that weren’t on reserve. My daughter was sitting quietly on the computer engrossed in her game just like she had in recent visits… I knew I had about 10 minutes before she lost her attention span (or so I thought.) I asked a librarian to help me find a book on pioneers for my other daughter. I was in a stack just 5 aisles over for less than 20 seconds … and she was gone! I even took a double take!! I spun around in a circle and she was no where in sight.

In an instant I decided to go immediately to the front desk, “I can’t find my autistic daughter…. She is 6 years old. I am going to the parking lot to look.” I can’t remember the librarian’s exact response but I am sure it was something like, “I know who she is… Go, we will look inside.” And then I was bolting out the door!!

I ran to the jeep and scanned the entire lot… she wasn't there. I was relieved for a split second, and then more fear filled me. As I ran back towards the library I saw a staff member at the door gesturing to me as if to ask if I found her. When I shook my head ‘no’ she hurried away!

As I reentered the building, I was amazed; every staff member had been notified and they were looking for her in the bathrooms, meeting rooms, stacks, under tables and even around the perimeter of the building. The manager told me to stay by the front door to be sure she didn’t get past us… I told her immediately, “She has on a red Hanna Montana shirt with a purple skirt and has short brown hair”. The next thing I knew I heard my words echoed by 5 people… “She has on a red shirt with a purple skirt and has short brown hair.”

Time was suspended as I watched the staff work together! I found myself thinking about that GPS Locator I got in the mail yesterday… it was still sitting on the charger. (Mental note to self: get that up and running ASAP.) Then my mind wandered to the worse scenario… so I told the manager I was going to go look in the parking lot again. She told me it was best if I stayed where I was at the entrance (the only way in or out of the building).

I took a few deep breaths to center myself and agreed. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw my daughter walking beside a staff member towards me….I ran to her as she looked at me like, “What?”

She had been sitting on the ground safely looking at videos the entire time. After I thanked everyone, my daughter guided me to where the staff member had found her. Apparently, while I was initializing a full fledge search for her, she had been innocently looking for a video to check out. She picked up her video, went to the check out counter, and then walked calmly beside me to the jeep as if nothing happened.

As I sat there for a few minutes, several thoughts came to mind about what I did right…

1) Instead of looking for her by myself, I went and got help. This was difficult to do. My urge was to run through the stacks and start yelling her name. However, when your child is non-responsive verbally this would have done us little good.

2) I gave the staff a description of my child. Due to sensory issues my child changes her clothing daily dozens of times. However, I am always keenly aware of the last change of clothing… just in case!

3) I didn’t panic. Again, when you have a special needs child this is easy to do. When I did begin to have racing thoughts… I remembered to deep breath.

4) I listened to instructions from the manager in charge. This is difficult to do when you are used to be the ‘driver’s seat’ with all aspects of your child. But, by listening to her I knew that one person was in charge and that they were following an obvious protocol.

5) I stayed at the entrance. There was no way she was going in or out of that building with out my knowledge.


(A special thank you to all of the staff at The Columbus Metropolitan Library - Hilliard Branch where I, also, host a monthly Autism Support Group.)

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Posted in autism, community, decision making, elopement, gps locator, gratitude, language, library | No comments

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Do you Support Females on the Autism Spectrum? I DO!!

Posted on 07:18 by tripal h

Every morning for the past 11 days I have been reminding my online friends to vote for the Pepsi refresh Project. Specifically, I have asked them to support The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) which will host workshops across the USA.


Why is that so important to me?

…Simply, because I have a six year old daughter on the autism spectrum. Really I think that is enough of a reason, don’t you?

Before autism was intimately in my life, I had a fairy tale version of what my life would look like in my head. Yeah, I believe there may have even been a white picket fence in that dream. Silly Me!

When I started noticing (as early as 5 months of age) that my daughter wasn’t developing typically I went through the whole range of emotions… denial, anger, blame – you name it, it was there. Eventually after oceans of tears, I was able to move into a place of acceptance and even gratitude.

Autism HAS blessed my life with friends, opportunities and self growth that would have other wised failed to exist. But, that is my life… it is full of optimism. But, then I hesitate and think about my daughter's future… what will that look like? Will she dream of white picket fences?

Hold the breaks Mom… she is only six!!

Yes, I know, but I don’t think any differently about her life than I do about her neuro-typical sister’s. And with her sister in the middle of the tween-age years I am filled with more questions than answers:

Self esteem ~ Boys ~ Hygiene ~ Dating ~ Peer Pressure ~ Accountability ~ Respect for Self and Others ~ Hormones ~ Friends ~ Academics ~ Body Image ~ Sibling Rivalry ~ Drugs & Alcohol ~ Safe Sex ~ Female Empowerment ~ Communication

And as I am faced with these new issues with her sister, I cannot help but to wonder how I will address this with her. These issues are huge, but couple them with the challenges of autism...

Sensory Processing Issues ~ Communication Barriers ~ Environmental and Dietary Sensitivities ~ Discrimination ~ Physical Limitations ~ Emotional Imbalances ~ Vulnerabilities ~ Stemming ~ Pictorial Thinking ~ Facial Cue Integration ~ Socialization Challenges ~ Cognitive Delays

... and it can be overwhelming. How do I educate her? How do I promote safety? How will she develop self esteem and confidence?

Today she seems to have no awareness of most of these things… she lives for the moment, but that doesn’t mean I don’t prepare myself and become proactive in the female issues that she will eventually face.

I can even let my mind wander about her adult future and what that will look like and what challenges she may or may not endure … And I wonder how does being a female autistic impact these issues for her? How will she get the support she needs to be successful in whatever SHE chooses to do with her life? How will she become an empowered woman when she faces obvious challenges? How will she access the resources she needs for life skills?

College ~ Independent Living ~ Career ~ Marriage ~ Family ~ Childbirth ~ Motherhood ~ Abuse ~ Sexuality ~ Relationships ~ Rape ~ Civil Rights ~ Finances

Raising a daughter has its challenges… add autism to it and it becomes even more challenging.

I am perfectly capable of rising to this challenge… but that doesn’t mean I don’t reach out for supports and education. To me that is what the FAIM project is doing. My daughter does have some empowered Autistic Women on her side, advocating for her and it is through their experience that I embrace hope and yes even excitement about her future.

AWN through their FAIM project will visit 5 US cities to provide “effective supports to autistic females of all ages through sense of community, advocacy, and resources.” This is something our community needs… by community I mean the Female Autistic Community. As a mother to a female child on the autism spectrum, I believe that is my community too. And in my corner of the world we respect, support and encourage members of our community. So... having said that, I am asking all of my friends to support AWN with there vision.

Here is a list of things that this grant will provide (taken directly from the Pepsi Refresh Project Page)…

The Autism Women's Network is unique in that it was founded by women on the autism spectrum. Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy, and resources.

· AWN's Project FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) workshops will be the 1st of its kind.


· We plan to set up 5 Project FAIM Workshops across the USA which will focus on qualities specific to females on the autism spectrum. Topics will include: peer supports, adolescence, adult life, relationships, vulnerabilities and successful communications. Project FAIM Workshops will include active supports and information for everyone (autistics, parents, educators, etc.)


· The participants will meet renowned autistic females whereby gaining valuable insight.

· We will secure the Autism Women's Network non-profit status so we can continue to provide Community Events, online Forum support & E-Mentoring as well as our AWN Radio Show.


I believe that this grant will start a ripple effect that is needed among the female autistic population. So

, I invite you to vote for The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) daily until the end of this month, August 31, 2010.

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Posted in autism, AWN, confidence, decision making, Education, emotional health, gratitude, hormones, proactive health, puberty, self empowerment, Siblings, Stress, tweens | No comments

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Alterna Mom's Wi-Active Challenge: The Why and Day 1-3

Posted on 17:41 by tripal h

BECOME MORE PROACTIVE IN YOUR PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, AND FINANCIAL HEALTH AND THAT OF YOUR CHILDREN!




That is my Alterna-Mom motto! I have to humbly say that if Alterna-Mom's Blog is about promoting health and well-being on all levels of our existence, then she needs to heed her own advise.

I have insisted that my habitual tiredness and dark circles are from sleepless nights of worry about my children and obsessing over the details I orchestrate in my mind's eye on how to move forward on helping my daughter diagnosed with autism to become more functional, safe and communicative while advocating for her rights, needs and education. (Not to mention the advocacy I do for my other child as well... raising kids mindfully takes time, energy and planning.) However, I recently took my own blood sugar levels and the results scared me. I swayed between a consistent 123 and 236 during a week of testing.

My Mom was diagnosed with diabetes at about the same age I am now, 40. She controlled it with diet at first, then the pill and finally insulin shots. This past Spring the diabetes finally claimed her leg after an intense year of surgeries, heart attacks and gangrene. I knew at this precise moment in time that I needed to become more proactive in my own health, but somehow we use life as a convenient excuse to resume our old habits.

I have understood that I was already predisposed to diabetes not only via paternal and maternal history, but through evidence of gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies. However, I believe that the power of our minds, meditation and prayer can trump genetics. Maybe I am not so lucky or maybe I have caught it early enough... fate is always yet to be determined.

I am not one to run to the doctor, yet I know that there is a time and place like I explained HERE. I also am keenly aware that intention alone cannot alter reality. We must be proactive and make healthy decisions especially if we are going to stay around to see our children grow and spoil our grandchildren. I have always insisted that we must take care of ourselves before we take care of our children and loved ones. In order to be more present for them we must tend to our needs.

Perhaps the culmination of the sugar levels, my mom's fate and my recent kidney stone episode has pushed me just enough to heed my own advise. So, I bought primarily fresh fruits and vegetables at my bi-weekly shopping trip Friday night, then came home and pulled out the Wi-Active.

I decided to take the 30 day challenge... easy enough right? Somehow committing to a challenge seemed easier than randomly using this devise. So, I set parameters including my weight... ouch!! I weigh what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant with my oldest child. That alone should have prompted me to do this a long time ago.

HOLY MOLY.... Can running in place for 90 seconds really make me that out of breath... I can't help but wonder if that is still evidence of my smoking days. So, I use this as a teachable moment, "Girls, see what happens when you smoke?"

My eldest replies, "You don't smoke Mom!"

"Well, thanks to you (I quit with my first pregnancy) I don't, but I am certain that that is why I am so winded."

She says, "Really !?!?," I am not sure if her response is from the disbelief that her anti-smoking mother actually smoked once upon a time or if she is amazed at the honesty that I unconditionally offer them.

I have decided to document here my progress. Although this is a public venue, I think that it 1) will keep me honest and encourage me to continue through the first 30 days and 2) maybe it will motivate someone else to become more proactive in their health...

Day 1 It would have been easy to quit; it kicked my butt!! I was panting and resting in between sets. But my daughters were watching and encouraging me to finish... Did I ever tell you that my kids rock!?!

My muscles hurt... I wanted to sit down and throw in the towel... but I pushed through the whole workout. I have to admit, I was proud of myself... it would have been easier to listen to the million reasons why I shouldn't do this... How can I find the time? How can I find the energy? How much will it cost? Who will watch the kids? I need to save my energy for the kids. I need to get this done or that finished...

I burned 121 calories! That made me walk away from the donut later that day... all of that work equated to 1/3 of the donut!! Wow, that really put things into perspective.

Day 2 It was a more intense workout (and longer), but I was amazed at how much easier the track was in just 24 hours... really!! I still huffed and puffed, but I had better focus and was better able to push through the pain. That in and of itself amazed me.

I burned 151 calories yesterday... again, I was reminded of how much effort it takes to burn off those in between empty-caloried snacks.

It is Day 3 and I am grateful it is the day to rest... my legs were wobbly coming downstairs this morning. However, does a mother really have any days to rest? It is interesting on the Wi-Active it asks you to log your other activities with time and intensity. That includes playing with the kids, yard work, house work, walking etc. I presume I am not doing too bad already because I really do do a lot... maybe it is the cardio I am missing though.

There is no challenge today, so we have planned to start prepping the yard-sale stuff.... that is a work out! But I think later we will do some yoga - my muscles feel like they could use some good stretching.

I think this is good for me... on many levels. Plus, Emily has decided to partake in the challenge... so we are doing this together. Sahara was annoyed the first day... she thought we were going to play golf or fishing (her favorite Wi games), but yesterday she did a couple of the exercises with us... too cute... this may be a fun summer activity for the 3 of us.


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Posted in autism, child's health, decision making, Education, emotional health, Energy, Exercise, holiday, Journaling, kidney stones, mothers, nutrition, physical health, Siblings, wi-active challenge | No comments

Friday, 18 June 2010

Cell Phones: Luxury or Need?

Posted on 06:26 by tripal h

We are changing cell phone plans and I had this great idea... close the first and post pone the second as long as I can to see how long we can go.

Yes, my primary motive was saving money... We are still recouping from hubby being out of work for 6 months after being downsized right before the holidays.

But, as I thought about it, I started wondering if the controversial frequencies they emit really affect our health & well-being and do they pollute our air & environment? As you know these are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Then I started wondering, if the cell phone tower or the "phone company" building that was next to the building I worked when pregnant with Sahara, could have contributed to the infantile autism? Purely based on the energy model... it most certainly is probable.

Of course there is also my consideration that the age of industrialization is doing more global harm then good. And I am talking on a spiritual, physical and emotional level.

Industrialization has introduced more pollutants in our environment than ever before (BP oil spill case in point). It has torn families apart as they moved away from family farming to the city life. We have left our elders who helped us raise and guide our young children... now strangers turned childcare providers are caring for our kids.

I could go on... but you get the point.

Back to the cell-phone issue... My big question was can we do without this modern day luxury that is now viewed as a need?? Is it possible in the 21st century to forfeit something that we have created the construct of necessity for?

After all, this is precisely the experiment I did with cable TV 5 years ago. And, yes, we still are cable free... Instead of television, we now play games, go to parks, read books, and nurture our bodies, minds and relationships naturally.

Well, 4 weeks is a far cry from 5 years... but, we are on week 4 of no cell phones and I don't miss it (other than the Long Distance calling). I miss calling my mom anytime. Especially since I can't just hop in the car and drive to her house... she lives 3 hours away.

Of course my IT hubby is probably going insane. He has had phones attached to the hip for years... I would think not being at the beckon call of others would be refreshing to him. He says he misses not being in touch with me and the girls. That is valid. If there is an emergency we are no longer connected like we were with the phone.

I presume that that is our biggest hurdle. What if Sahara gets lost in a crowd or what if there is an emergency when we are in the community... what do I do?

And now that we are in the height of tween-dom with Emily, we have promised her that when we order our new phones, she is to get her own. Not because we want her to be hip, but for the same reasons I think we need one. Remember the dime our mothers used to give us when we went out with our friends, "If you need anything call me!"

Have you noticed phone booths are a thing of the past?

So, I am on the line... now pun intended. Do we go another 4 weeks of my experiment or do we bite the bullet of the industrialization age and buy the new phones and plans.?
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Posted in autism, cell phones, child's health, decision making, earth, Economy, Energy, industrialization, park, Radiation, self empowerment, Toxins, tweens | No comments

Saturday, 24 April 2010

A Checker, A Cough and A Deal With GOD!

Posted on 14:17 by tripal h


COUGH COUGH COUGH

Me: “Sahara, did you swallow a checker?”

S: “A Checker?”

Me: “Sahara, Did you eat one?”

S: “Yes”

Me: “You ate one?”

S: “No”

Me: “Sahara did you eat this?”

S: No response

Me: “Look at me…. Did you eat this?”

S: “Eat this?”

Me: “Is the checker in you?”

COUGH ***GAG*** COUGH

Me: “Honey are you okay?”

S: Points to mouth then to the checkers

Me: “Is there one in there?”

S: “No eat.”


If you have ever tried to get concrete information from a child diagnosed with autism compromised by a severe speech and communication delay, you know just how frustrating (almost on the brink of infuriation) that this type of a scenario can be. You don’t know if the speech you are hearing is echolalia or if the gesturing is part of a game or if it is telling you something.

You feel your energy begin to swirl… faster and faster into a panic. You lose your thoughts to your fears… and cannot think straight. You can’t remember if you heard a cough earlier that day and your mind can only embrace the worse possible outcome.

On the ride to the hospital emergency room, the silence is broken by this gaspy cough… then all is quiet again. It is a busy night in the ER! You register and sit down wishing that no one else was in your midst, certainly all the other parents are thinking the same thought; begging in their mind for their child’s aliment to be more important than the next to get the care they need first.

After an hour, you get called into triage. The nurse is annoyed because she has had to print out a third wrist band for your child and because of the sensory issues you know it won’t be the last. You say you will keep it on your wrist, but are quickly put into place and told it has to be on her body. Your relief of being in triage is quickly replaced with exasperation when the nurse redirects you back to the waiting area.

As you sit there you can identify with the other parents; all emotionally tired and frustrated. Suddenly you see a man come into the ER entrance with a gunshot wound. Whispers are contagious among the parents. You sit there with the fresh images of raw flesh held up in the air with a bullet wound dripping in crimson red. You unsuccessfully try to ground yourself.

The kids have to go to the bathroom, but the policewoman redirects you to a long corridor; they are guarding the gunshot victim and interrogating people at the bathroom entrance. You try to explain what is happening, but your kids have no clue what the word ‘gang’ means and have a difficult time following any explanation.

In the bathroom, your child begins this unnerving whine… you forgot to grab her special towel that she uses to wipe herself after going potty at the house. Her sensory issues are becoming even more agitated. You begin to doubt your decision to drag the whole family to the ER… it has been 2 hours since she supposedly swallowed the foreign object and she seems fine (fine, that is, other than this hoarse cough).

You wait awhile longer, and then they call you to a treatment. One nurse, a resident and a fellow later you are told they are going to do chest and abdominal x-rays. However, it is explained that the plastic checker will not show up on a film, so they are just looking at the integrity of the lungs, esophagus and abdomen. You agree to do the x-rays and are directed to another wing where you wait another 30 minutes.

You are relieved that your child is pretty cooperative for the x-rays as you stand next to her in a heavy lead apron. You wonder if the gown was comforting to her and as she seems to melt into the cold glass x-ray table. Back to the waiting room, then to the original treatment room and finally at 2:00 am you are told that there was nothing to show concern on the films…. However, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a checker still in her esophagus. It is thoroughly explained that the concern now is the checker being sucked into her lung if it is indeed lodged into the esophagus. If you suspect this is happening you are instructed to call 911 immediately… this will be notable if she begins gasping of air. You sigh knowing that is the sound of the cough that triggered this whole wild goose chase.

Discharge papers take another 30 minutes to arrive. Your oldest child is overtired and snipping at everyone. The patient’s sensory input is on overdrive and is now pacing the halls and pushing the automatic door buttons. Daddy has an intense look on his face that even makes you shudder and you, well, you have completely shut down. Your family has had it and is exhausted and ready to get home.

The kids fall asleep on the way home. Your child wakes every 20-40 minutes the rest of the night with this hoarse gaspy croupy cough. You don’t dare fall asleep as the fear of suffocation has forced your eyes to stay awake. You are constantly questioning yourself whether it is just a cough or the checker moving.

You are exhausted! You are tired, and I mean not just on a literal level, but on a deeper more profound level. The manifestations of the autism has taken your strength and you lay awake pissed about your plight… thinking about how it would have been easier if your child could just have said whether or not she had swallowed the fucking red checker in the first place.

As you focus on the hoarse breathing of the limp child laying in your arms, you begin to beg for God to make the Autism just go away. You pray for her to find her way out of its grasps so she can have a functional, productive life. You pray for that miracle that will bring your child her speech and functional communication with the morning sun, so you don't have to guess anymore during another crisis.

And in the depth of your quiet heart you pray that she will simply make it to her next birthday;

Then in the recess of your mind you begin to search for the cure that will simply make her 'normal';

Finally, in the seat of your soul, you strike a deal with God that He will simply and miraculously heal your child tonight...

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Posted in autism, child's health, Children's health, choking, decision making, emotional health, fathers, sensory issues, sensory processing | No comments

Thursday, 25 February 2010

The Cleavers We Are Not

Posted on 15:05 by tripal h
Since I was cooped up for the last few weeks (and I really didn't feel like cooking), we decided to venture into the world of eating out tonight. I called ahead to check out what they had on the buffet to be sure each child would have adequate choices. Problem? We choose a restaurant that was foreign to Sahara.

As she entered the building, she scoped out all of her surroundings and off she went. She had to walk (a.k.a. run) the entire perimeter of the restaurant before even glancing at the life-less food presentation. I tried to persuade her to entertain food options that she would have some interest in (pizza, plain noodles, plain lettuce, broccoli), but I knew the vast amount of odors were overwhelming her as was all the noise and people. She was over stimulated and on overload... and so was I.

However, it was the gazing and whispers of the bystanders that raised my anxiety the most.... I just wanted to yell, "she has autism... quit staring!". But, I bit my tongue and withheld my tears. I felt them burning in my eyes... but, I forced myself to not let my weakness conquer me. I felt a quiver in my throat as I told my husband to eat fast. Emily asked, "Why?". I scanned the room for just one understanding smile, but am left feeling disappointed, "I don't feel good."

Partly that was true. I was having high anxiety and I was sick to my stomach to see my child out of control. It is moments like this that we see how far we have to go. It is moments like this we realize that we do not have a typical life. It is moments like this that I look at all the other families with envy as they quietly sit and eat their meals. But...

The Cleavers we are not! And now that I am back in the comfort my home and the children are calm in the familiarity of smells, sights and sounds... I find peace. Yeah, the Cleavers we are not, but we are the Richardsons. We have diversity, unconditional love, courage and a unique view of the world and for that I am grateful!

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Posted in autism, decision making, emotional health, Food Sensitivity, sensory issues, sensory processing, Siblings | No comments

Friday, 23 October 2009

A Self-Awareness Challenge... promoting peace around and withinn you

Posted on 19:54 by tripal h

A dear friend of mine initiated a challenge to her friends on facebook; consciously being positive until the end of the month. No bitching, no complaining, no gossiping, no criticizing, no negative self talk….simply having positive thoughts, actions, and words until the end of the month.

Today was day 2 for me; and I made it through a brief phone call with Jim’s former employer, shopping at wal-mart, and talking with creditors on the phone today!! HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!! Then I got on twitter and lost my cool when someone made 2 stinging comments @ me. I would rather not go into the content, but I lost it and flew off the handle.

So, another friend stepped in and reminded us about unity. And I started thinking about how I failed the challenge, BUT… now I realize I didn’t fail; I am doing precisely what I deem this challenge to be about: Becoming accountable for my responses and interactions with others (and myself). So, in hind sight I didn’t fail the challenge at all, but succeeded in self awareness!

Tomorrow is another day, and so, I invite you to join me (us)… there is no way to fail this challenge; it is about giving and promoting peace around and within you. The more peace you emit the more peace you will attract…

Let me know if you are game; and keep us posted. Here's to a powerful week of peace, love, kindness, and accountability!

(Thank you Robin for inspiring me this week in being a better person, mother, wife, child, neighbor, friend and stranger.)

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Posted in confidence, decision making, emotional health, Meditation, self empowerment, twitter | No comments
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