Giving up 'The F Word'

I swear, I admit it, and make no excuses.... I find it cathartic!!

In fact, I bet if you were to read through my posts, you would find it slipping in on some of the entries... like this one.

I vividly remember having an open conversation with the family priest when I was 26 about my love of the F word in my parents' kitchen.... that was interesting!! Sure glad My Mom didn't know what we were talking about in there!

I also remember talking with this saucy nun on campus during my college years about this fantastic word... she loved the F word too!! Isn't that a hoot?

BUT nonetheless, today is a pivotal moment... I have decided to give it up for lent. Oh, Dear Lord, it is going to be a long 40 days!!

BTW, My tween is so excited about this... I am sure she is plotting and planning detailed consequences if I falter even just a wee bit. Maybe I should come up with a replacement word...

Read More

Dr. Temple Grandin: Animal Behavior, The Autistic Brain and Inspiration!

Many people get excited about meeting their favorite rock star or movie star… not me, I wanted to meet a livestock behavior expert!!

You may ask, ‘Why on earth would Alterna-Mom, a mid-west special needs mom, be interested in livestock behavior?’. Well, I am not. And yet, ironically I completely am. See, Dr. Temple Grandin isn’t just the world’s most famous animal expert and livestock rights advocate, Dr. Grandin has also won the hearts of the global autism community through her self-advocacy and insights on how the autistic brain works. … yes, that is right a DOCTOR of animal science who has autism!! She unknowingly paved the way for many of us to see that our children and loved ones are exceptional beyond labels and can achieve anything they desire.

BUSTING MYTHS

Dr. Grandin was diagnosed at age 3 ½ with non-verbal autism (infantile schizophrenia). The doctors wanted to institutionalize her, because, frankly, that is all they knew how to do back then. In her generation, it was common to ship off the children that were ‘different’, however having an independent thinking and educated mother who saw potential when no one else did, Temple was given proper early intervention and support which has cultivated a drive within her like none I have seen. Temple is a confident, successful and witty business woman and autism/animal rights advocate.

Busting the myths of autism, Temple and her Mother, with sweat and tears, were able to give Temple the tools she needed to become all she is today:

"Dr Grandin obtained her B.A. at Franklin Pierce College, her M.S. in Animal Science at Arizona State University and her Ph.D in Animal Science from the University of Illinois in 1989. Today she teaches courses on livestock behavior and facility design at Colorado State University and consults with the livestock industry on animal welfare.

Dr. Grandin has appeared on television shows such as 20/20, 48 Hours, CNN Larry King Live, PrimeTime Live, the Today Show, and many shows in other countries. She has been featured in People Magazine, the New York Times, Forbes, U.S. News and World Report, Time Magazine, the New York Times book review, and Discover magazine. She has also authored over 400 articles in both scientific journals and livestock periodicals. Her books 'Animals in Translation' and 'Animals Make Us Human' were both on the New York Times best seller list. 'Animals Make Us Human' was also on the Canadian best seller list.

In 2010, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people." ~ Michele Gwynn

When a friend informed me that Dr. Temple Grandin, Ph. D. was coming to Ohio State University to talk about dog and horse behavior, I was determined to see her. This is my personal reaction to that evenings presentation.

LIVESTOCK, PUPPY MILLS AND ANIMAL BEHAVIOR

Dr. Grandin’s presentation on animal behavior was intriguing. Every insight she shared… seemed common sense. However, she diligently expressed that when we are in the moment of behavior issues with our pet and livestock it is hard to step aside and see the details that might be triggering the behavior. (Kind of like our kids, don’t’ you think? How many times do we find ourselves wondering, “That was so obvious, why didn’t I think of that?”)

The presentation covered the horror of Ohio being the Puppy Mill Capital of the United States (alarming!!) and that Ohio is 1 of 15 states where it is still legal to auction dogs (sad!!)… The take home message was this: DON’T BUY DOGS/PETS!! Go to a rescue or humane society to adopt… this will put puppy mills and breeders out of business. Aside the fact that we have too many dogs already in the world without homes, I couldn’t conceptualize why we purchase and purposely breed even more? This part of the night was shocking to me. The local groups that sponsored this event shared horror stories about puppy mills and breeding… I don’t want to share those raw details here, but it is down-right tragic and cruel!

Dr. Grandin talked about breeding and genetics. When we try to breed for the best and strongest genes/traits we also get unexpected discrepancies… the best way for me to summarize the ironic message here is that when we try to create superior breeds we end up with the weakest: physical and behavior issues are emerging at an all time high because of breeders interfering with and breeding for the best traits like blue eyes and fertility. Dr. Grandin says that if you want a fancy breed of dog… for instance the Golden-Doodle… Firstly, only get one from someone that can present the mother to you… if the mother isn’t present, don’t get the dog. Secondly, make sure it is a first generation Golden-Doodle… with one parent being a Poodle and the other a Golden Retriever.

The last take home message on this topic was too “test drive before you buy” so to speak. Just because some kids have had success with pets, doesn’t mean all will. Make sure the pet is a good match for child as well as the pet.

THE AUTISTIC BRAIN AND ENABLING

Dr. Grandin has raised the bar with animal care in the livestock industry and she has studied the behavior of animals most of her life. More amazingly, she has been able to give us a peep into the mind of an autistic. This has given Dr. Grandin the rare opportunity to educate the world about the similarity between thought patterns of autistics and animals.

Of course, I was pleased to hear Dr. Grandin talk about this topic (after all that was the main reason I wanted to come to this event). She talked about the autistic mind thinking in pictures and how the autistic mind, similar to an animal’s, categorizes everything. Her insights have helped me to understand my children better and left my tween walking away saying… you know that is how my brain works too. This opened the door to a fantastic conversation about the aspie traits we recognize within her and how this doesn’t change her core.

Dr. Grandin talked about how children today are not ‘pushed’ like she was. And although we have more supports and interventions than ever before, the parents and other significant others in the child’s life today, enable them use their condition as an excuse to not have responsibility and goals. She says that as long as a child can talk, make them talk for themselves. Make them get up at a descent hour and have a productive day. Make them accountable for all they do. Give them opportunities to cultivate the desires, interests and dreams. Don’t use the label “autism” for an excuse.

She further illustrated this point by acknowledging that as a child she loved going to the beach and letting sand drip through her hands… this simple, almost hypnotizing action, focused and soothed her (sound familiar?). However, she stated that if that was all she was allowed to do, then she wouldn’t have been giving the opportunities, skills and determination that lead her to the events in her life that brought her on the stage talking to us that evening. Because her mother pushed her beyond the stimming, she was able to become the successful woman that she is today.

TECHNOLOGY & SERENDIPITY

At one point, Dr. Grandin told several aspies in the audience to use the power of “Google” to open avenues for their own hopes and dreams… she said today’s generation have it very easy in comparison to the what it took her to accomplish her goals. Dr. Grandin said that with all the technology we have today (and gave credit to all the aspies who made THAT possible) that anyone anywhere could open doors easily. She referenced what I term as ‘serendipity’. She said to go out and meet people on social networking sites and present your own work and portfolio. She was adamant that if you met the right person doors would open for you…

(Side bar plug: So, I hope an editor or publishing house sees my blog/writing and someday picks me up… )

Speaking of plugs, Dr. Grandin talked about her HBO movie, Temple Grandin. I loved her enthusiasm and the beam in her eye when she relayed that every fact presented in the movie was accurate; if you want to know how an autistic mind thinks, watch her movie; if you want to know how a cattle chute or livestock yard is run, watch her movie; if you want to know her life story up until she was 30, watch her movie… I believe from observing her body language and the enthusiasm in her voice that she is very proud of not only this movie, but having had a hand in the making of it.

Another thing Temple was vocal about was her drawings. She adamantly stated that it took her 3 years of practice to draw cattle chutes in the manner that she can. And that the drawing in the boardroom during the movie, is an actual drawing of her’s.

CURE VS. RECOVERY

One mom in the audience even thanked her for the insight and inspiration that she offers so many of us! There were several apsies in the audience, one in which asked her about organizations like Autism Speaks. Dr. Grandin didn’t directly answer the question, but instead gave a 5 minute impromptu lecture against the curing of autism spectrum disorders.

She ended the mini lecture with 2 points:

1) If you cured every person who had autistic traits, we would no longer have any scientists or computer geeks to advance our world.

2) If you cured a person of their autistic traits, you would take a component of who they are at the core of their being away.

I have thought a lot about this point over the past 6 years. I do not want to cure my child of the unique abilities and attributes that make her her, but I do aim to soften the challenges that make life difficult. I want to address her functional expressive and receptive communication skills, her dietary needs, her delayed motor skills, her sleep disorder, her raw frustrations, and to curb her inherent need to flee to protect her from bodily harm. (… this list could go on.) However, beneath these challenges, there is a core within her existence… a witty, funny, determined, moody, intelligent, confident little girl that without a doubt will use some of her autism attributes to define her persona and create an exceptional woman who can and will be able to accomplish anything she so desires.

DIFFERENT, NOT LESS

I imagine this is what Temple’s mother meant when she said, “different, not less.” And as I watched this magnificent woman on stage talk with us, I saw how she was different; her rigid body movement, her deliberate gestures & need to put her hands in her pockets at specific moments, her articulation of words, her ability to recite the lecture she certainly was reading from the pictorial memory within her brain, her obsessive passion for animals and the consistent ability to relate the animal behavior to that of the autism. But, I also saw this woman who had a charming sense of humor, a passion for her animal mates, a sense of confidence as she articulated her mastery of the subject at hand, a sense of pride about her artistic skills, and the desire and ability to engage with the audience. Most importantly, I saw a woman (whom I respect and adore) present herself with all her little quirks and nuances with an aura of being exceptional beyond the label of autism.

I am proud to have Dr. Temple Grandin be a role model for my young girls. She was everything I expected her to be and more.

Read More

2 Year Anniversary: Reflections on Autism

Today is the 2 year anniversary of Sahara’s formal diagnosis of Infantile Autism.

I thought about writing about the huge accomplishments we have seen in the past 24 months… and let there be no mistake they have been huge!! We have left Catatonia in the dust!! Her speech, socialization, cognition, sensory, and every other facet of her being has exploded into this wonderful expression of life!! I am so proud of all of her hard work.

...Yes, we have come a long way, but we have an even farther way to go.

I thought about writing about the blessings I have found in the world of Autism… and let there be no mistake there are huge blessings. I have made friendships and have encountered opportunities that would have otherwise failed to exist. Read my list of blessings HERE.

...Yes, blessings are always there.

I thought about writing about the spiritual side of Autism… and let there be no mistake my daughter is more connected to God than I could ever dream of. However, I have learned to trust God more and that He trusts me even more than that.

...Yes, God is good.

I thought about writing about the fears I have endured over the past year… and let there be no mistake there are fears that I face on a daily basis; elopement, wandering, sexual predators, IEPs, civil rights, bullying, harassment…

...Yes, there are dark corners in my life.

I thought about writing about the struggles her sister has faced… and let there be no mistake that she had to face more in her short lifetime than your typical tween. She has had part of her childhood ripped away by this invisible monster called Autism that consistently puts her on the back burner.

...Yes, siblings have it rough.

I thought about writing about the strain in our marriage… and let there be no mistake there has been strain. The piles of doctor bills that insurance refuses to cover, the reduction to one income, and the never ending discussions about the never ending issues that circle our life.

...Yes, communication is key.

I thought about writing how the diagnosing psychologist was wrong is her prognosis… and let there be no mistake she was wrong! My daughter is talking, socializing and living a fulfilling life. She will go to college, have a career, a family and any other thing she so chooses to do.

...Yes, possibilities are limitless.

And as I thought about all of the things I could write, I realized that the most important thing to say today was that I would like to introduce you my daughter, Sahara Grace.

Sahara is six years old and just started kindergarten. She likes her teacher, follows directions well and declares that she loves school each time she gets off of the yellow bus. Sahara is funny, witty and even sarcastic. She loves animals, bats, watermelon, Curious George and Mr. Bean. She enjoys riding her bike, swimming and playing hide-and-go-seek. She has self determination, a sense of adventure and the patience of a saint.

Sahara’s best friend is her eleven year old sister, Emily. Not only do they share the common bond of sisterhood, they also share the passion for horses, dinosaurs, water activities, chocolate, the outdoors and just about everything else they venture to do; in fact, they are almost inseparable. Daily my daughters inspire me to be a better mother and person!

You can read more about our early journey (HERE) on the Autism Women’s Network.

I would like to conclude by saying that if you are a parent of a child that you think may be on the autism spectrum… you are not alone! Demand that someone listen to you about your concerns so that your child can start getting the services and care she/he needs. Then find a support group so you can get the care you need.

I have found that joining Twitter and Face Book to be one of the best things I could have done for ME. It was through a sense of community and knowledge that I was able to empower myself to stand up to the plate and become my daughter’s best advocate.

Read about the Signs and Symptoms of Autism HERE

Read More

Do you Support Females on the Autism Spectrum? I DO!!

Every morning for the past 11 days I have been reminding my online friends to vote for the Pepsi refresh Project. Specifically, I have asked them to support The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) which will host workshops across the USA.

Why is that so important to me?

…Simply, because I have a six year old daughter on the autism spectrum. Really I think that is enough of a reason, don’t you?

Before autism was intimately in my life, I had a fairy tale version of what my life would look like in my head. Yeah, I believe there may have even been a white picket fence in that dream. Silly Me!

When I started noticing (as early as 5 months of age) that my daughter wasn’t developing typically I went through the whole range of emotions… denial, anger, blame – you name it, it was there. Eventually after oceans of tears, I was able to move into a place of acceptance and even gratitude.

Autism HAS blessed my life with friends, opportunities and self growth that would have other wised failed to exist. But, that is my life… it is full of optimism. But, then I hesitate and think about my daughter's future… what will that look like? Will she dream of white picket fences?

Hold the breaks Mom… she is only six!!

Yes, I know, but I don’t think any differently about her life than I do about her neuro-typical sister’s. And with her sister in the middle of the tween-age years I am filled with more questions than answers:

Self esteem ~ Boys ~ Hygiene ~ Dating ~ Peer Pressure ~ Accountability ~ Respect for Self and Others ~ Hormones ~ Friends ~ Academics ~ Body Image ~ Sibling Rivalry ~ Drugs & Alcohol ~ Safe Sex ~ Female Empowerment ~ Communication

And as I am faced with these new issues with her sister, I cannot help but to wonder how I will address this with her. These issues are huge, but couple them with the challenges of autism...

Sensory Processing Issues ~ Communication Barriers ~ Environmental and Dietary Sensitivities ~ Discrimination ~ Physical Limitations ~ Emotional Imbalances ~ Vulnerabilities ~ Stemming ~ Pictorial Thinking ~ Facial Cue Integration ~ Socialization Challenges ~ Cognitive Delays

... and it can be overwhelming. How do I educate her? How do I promote safety? How will she develop self esteem and confidence?

Today she seems to have no awareness of most of these things… she lives for the moment, but that doesn’t mean I don’t prepare myself and become proactive in the female issues that she will eventually face.

I can even let my mind wander about her adult future and what that will look like and what challenges she may or may not endure … And I wonder how does being a female autistic impact these issues for her? How will she get the support she needs to be successful in whatever SHE chooses to do with her life? How will she become an empowered woman when she faces obvious challenges? How will she access the resources she needs for life skills?

College ~ Independent Living ~ Career ~ Marriage ~ Family ~ Childbirth ~ Motherhood ~ Abuse ~ Sexuality ~ Relationships ~ Rape ~ Civil Rights ~ Finances

Raising a daughter has its challenges… add autism to it and it becomes even more challenging.

I am perfectly capable of rising to this challenge… but that doesn’t mean I don’t reach out for supports and education. To me that is what the FAIM project is doing. My daughter does have some empowered Autistic Women on her side, advocating for her and it is through their experience that I embrace hope and yes even excitement about her future.

AWN through their FAIM project will visit 5 US cities to provide “effective supports to autistic females of all ages through sense of community, advocacy, and resources.” This is something our community needs… by community I mean the Female Autistic Community. As a mother to a female child on the autism spectrum, I believe that is my community too. And in my corner of the world we respect, support and encourage members of our community. So... having said that, I am asking all of my friends to support AWN with there vision.

Here is a list of things that this grant will provide (taken directly from the Pepsi Refresh Project Page)…

The Autism Women's Network is unique in that it was founded by women on the autism spectrum. Our mission is to provide effective supports to autistic females of all ages through a sense of community, advocacy, and resources.

· AWN's Project FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) workshops will be the 1st of its kind.

· We plan to set up 5 Project FAIM Workshops across the USA which will focus on qualities specific to females on the autism spectrum. Topics will include: peer supports, adolescence, adult life, relationships, vulnerabilities and successful communications. Project FAIM Workshops will include active supports and information for everyone (autistics, parents, educators, etc.)

· The participants will meet renowned autistic females whereby gaining valuable insight.

· We will secure the Autism Women's Network non-profit status so we can continue to provide Community Events, online Forum support & E-Mentoring as well as our AWN Radio Show.

I believe that this grant will start a ripple effect that is needed among the female autistic population. So

, I invite you to vote for The Autism Women’s Network to win a $50,000 grant to fund AWN’S PROJECT FAIM (Female Autistic Insight Mentoring) daily until the end of this month, August 31, 2010.

Read More

Autism and Elopement: Finding A Sense of Hope

Wandering

Elopement

Running

Flight Risk

If you have a child on the spectrum these words might elicit strong emotions within you ~ No words can completely grasp the sinking sensation within your being when you cannot locate your non-verbal child!

I hear autism parents chuckle all the time that they are the only ones who lock doors to keep their children inside, instead of intruders out. It is true. If Sahara gets away from me (inside and out) she will not respond to the question, "Sahara, where are you?" We have resorted to chains on doors to give us some peace of mind... that is until she learned how to use the broom to unlatch the locks. She is not only intelligent, but cleaver!!

She has left the house at night once and it was horrifying!! But, it is just as alarming during day light. One time we found her in naked in a tree house near a neighbor's pool. Your stomach falls and panic fills every cell within you. You aren’t sure if you should run in to get the phone to call 911 or if you should start running through the neighborhood. (I have done both!) When your autistic child is non-verbal and out of your sight it is an indescribable experience!

There are horror stories in the news almost daily: Autistic Adult Missing, Austistic Child Found Alive in Swamp, Autistic Resident Found Dead In Van… these are the headlines that keep me up at night (and I mean that very literally)!! This is a constant fear in the recess of my mind and of the mind of many parents with children on the autism spectrum!!

In fact, just before I sat down to write this blog today, I read a news article from Wichita, Kansas where a 5 year old autistic boy was found in a neighbor’s pond, just 30 minutes after his adult sister noticed he was missing. He was in critical condition, but later died. Tragic!! I pray for this family as they go through the unthinkable!

And I pray for all other families that are on the spectrum facing this manifestation of autism!

This is the kind of story I shared with my daughter’s school during our last IEP meeting. I was attempting to make a case for a one on one paraprofessional for safety purposes (in addition to the academic needs). The school is situated near a busy road and there is a pond on the property. The teacher said, “Well, I know you have problems with that at home, but at school she has never tried to run.” Aside the obvious contempt and judgment within her statement, the fact is it only takes once for a tragedy to occur!!

I decided that if the school wasn’t going to cooperate with us, then we would take matters of safety into our own hands. I started researching GPS locators… they weren’t cheap! (Remember, hubby was downsized and we had had no income for 7 months!) So, I called my daughter’s Developmental Disability Case Manager and inquired about funding… she said the family respite services would fund it!! The Caveat…. we would have to forfeit her music therapy allocations for the whole quarter!!

Well, that wasn't a viable option.

At about the same I happened to see a contest posted on facebook via the Autism Women’s Network. They were giving away a GPS locator and one year’s worth of service to an autism family. What could it hurt to try to win this, right? So, I emailed them at info@awn.com to tell them our story.

Our life possibly changed completely via one phone call this morning...!!!

I just sat down with a cup of coffee this morning as the phone rang. Of course, I cannot find the receiver… welcome to the world of tween-dom. The machine picks up and I hear an unfamiliar voice, but immediately recognize the name, Tricia Kenney with the Autism Women’s Network. I sprint to the living room and find the phone on my daughter’s desk… and answer.

I WON THE GPS LOCATOR FOR SAHARA!!

I am not even sure what I said to Tricia this morning. I was stunned. This is a VERY VERY EMPOWERING FOR ME, SAHARA, HER SISTER AND FATHER... THE WHOLE FAMILY!!

As I sat in the lobby of Children's Hospital this morning (Sahara was in thearpy), I thought about all the places and things we could do...

THE ZOO

COSI

FRANKLIN PARK CONSERVATORY

LIBRARY

FAIRS

THE MALL

GROCERY STORES

PLAYING IN THE BACK YARD

TAKING A WALK

PARKS

FRIEND'S HOUSES

SCHOOL FUNCTIONS

VACATIONS

... and the list goes on.

I think about how much we don't do in the community, because of fear of losing her in public! The stress we have between my husband and myself because we are under the constant stress of who is 'watching' Sahara. The sleepless nights because of the fear that she will walk out of the house. The obvious unjust responsibility that her sister burdens. The gut wrenching agony I have when I worry about someone nabbing her.... or worse!!

And as I think about what this simple, yet phenomenal devise will offer us.... I am filled with hope! I am thinking today about how we will be able to teach her better community skills and how we will be able to have more childhood opportunities and fun as these raw fears vanish.

Even the basic ability to be in a different room from her gives me relief... not only for my sanity, but for her personal growth and autonomy. When we were kids we went outside and we learned boundaries, we explored our environment, and we developed real self-regulating skills. Sahara has never had that opportunity... nor has her sister for that matter. Wow!! I am eager to see how this will play out...

Thank you Sharon Da Vanport and Tricia Kenney of AWN!!

Thank you Autism Women's Network!!

Thank you LifePROTEKT!!

Read More

Cell Phones: Luxury or Need?

We are changing cell phone plans and I had this great idea... close the first and post pone the second as long as I can to see how long we can go.

Yes, my primary motive was saving money... We are still recouping from hubby being out of work for 6 months after being downsized right before the holidays.

But, as I thought about it, I started wondering if the controversial frequencies they emit really affect our health & well-being and do they pollute our air & environment? As you know these are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Then I started wondering, if the cell phone tower or the "phone company" building that was next to the building I worked when pregnant with Sahara, could have contributed to the infantile autism? Purely based on the energy model... it most certainly is probable.

Of course there is also my consideration that the age of industrialization is doing more global harm then good. And I am talking on a spiritual, physical and emotional level.

Industrialization has introduced more pollutants in our environment than ever before (BP oil spill case in point). It has torn families apart as they moved away from family farming to the city life. We have left our elders who helped us raise and guide our young children... now strangers turned childcare providers are caring for our kids.

I could go on... but you get the point.

Back to the cell-phone issue... My big question was can we do without this modern day luxury that is now viewed as a need?? Is it possible in the 21st century to forfeit something that we have created the construct of necessity for?

After all, this is precisely the experiment I did with cable TV 5 years ago. And, yes, we still are cable free... Instead of television, we now play games, go to parks, read books, and nurture our bodies, minds and relationships naturally.

Well, 4 weeks is a far cry from 5 years... but, we are on week 4 of no cell phones and I don't miss it (other than the Long Distance calling). I miss calling my mom anytime. Especially since I can't just hop in the car and drive to her house... she lives 3 hours away.

Of course my IT hubby is probably going insane. He has had phones attached to the hip for years... I would think not being at the beckon call of others would be refreshing to him. He says he misses not being in touch with me and the girls. That is valid. If there is an emergency we are no longer connected like we were with the phone.

I presume that that is our biggest hurdle. What if Sahara gets lost in a crowd or what if there is an emergency when we are in the community... what do I do?

And now that we are in the height of tween-dom with Emily, we have promised her that when we order our new phones, she is to get her own. Not because we want her to be hip, but for the same reasons I think we need one. Remember the dime our mothers used to give us when we went out with our friends, "If you need anything call me!"

Have you noticed phone booths are a thing of the past?

So, I am on the line... now pun intended. Do we go another 4 weeks of my experiment or do we bite the bullet of the industrialization age and buy the new phones and plans.?

Read More

Personal Hygiene... At What Cost?

Since yesterday’s post was about shaving legs and arm pits, I thought it would be appropriate to blog today about Deodorant… Good personal hygiene is an important habit to teach our children, but at what cost?

At some point along our wellness journey, we began to question ingredients in the products we put on our body… and reconsidered how we approached our personal hygiene. For instance, did you know that it only takes a few seconds for anything that touches your skin to be absorbed into the blood stream; aluminum, propylene glycol, parabens...

There has been medical research conducted about breast cancer and aluminum in deodorants. Several sources stated that there was a study conducted that concluded that 18 out of 20 breast cancer tissue samples had parabens in them. With that said, I cannot fathom why more people do not question the common use of these ingredients.

Young girls seem especially vulnerable to me… with their overexposure to hormone laced foods and the seduction of marketers to use these girl products laced with questionable ingredients.

I know, I know… You are thinking, “Oh my God, this tree hugging hippy has stinky arm pits and it going to tell me to embrace my natural self!” Let me reassure you, that is not the case. My point simply is, read the labels and make an educated decision about what you put in and on your body. Be proactive even about what you are putting under your arm pits close to your mammary glands.

We have tried many natural deodorant products, none of which really met our personal hygiene needs. That is until we tried mineral salts and pure water. It is 100% natural and eliminates the bacteria that cause that unseemly odor.

Yep, it really is as simple as that; mineral salts!

No, I am not selling a product nor do I get kickbacks for endorsing this… right now, it is the obvious solution to this issue... Not only does it eliminate odor and avoid questionable ingredients, but it is more economic as well.

*Try Thai Crystal Deodorant or make your own solution.

Read More

Inquiring Moms Question: Is 10 Years Old Too Young To Start Shaving?

My daughter is beginning to bloom out of her Tomboyish persona into a developing Tween. When we went school shopping this year she demonstrated how true this was... she was bopping to the music in the teen stores and modeling feminine outfits with confidence. This is a new side to her that I think is quite frankly freaking her father out, but I am excited to see her bloom into her own essence. So, during our girls outing, we carefully selected a few short sleeve shirts and cute, yet comfortable skirts for school…

Here lies the question: She has obvious hair under her armpits and on her legs. She is only 10! At what age do you teach your daughter how to shave?

I put the question out there to other moms and this is what they had to say:

10% - Said it depended on the coloration of the hair. If the hair was dark… yes, teach her to shave now. If the hair was light, you just bought her (and you) some time.

10% - Said take the daughter’s lead. If she is talking about it, it is probably time to pull out that pink razor. If she isn’t aware of it, don’t make a big fuss about it.

20% - Said that it depends on the emotional maturation of the individual tween; explain to her the consequences of her actions. The novelty will wear off within a few weeks and then you will have no choice versus risking the brutal taunting of your peers. Way out the consequences together then let her decide.

60% - Absolutely do it now, before the teasing begins or before she hacks herself. Remember those cuts you got when your mom didn’t let you shave when you really really wanted to?

Although, the majority thought it was urgent that we embark on the task of shaving, I went with the 20% margin… We sat down and had a heart to heart discussion about the natural consequences of both options. After we talked about it, she looked me square in the eye and said, “I will wait!”

I met her decision with respect…. But, explained that if she were to change her mind at ANY TIME that she should let me know so I could teach her the proper way to shave… (I still cringe at the thought of the gashes I had way back when).

In the mean time, I am going to head over to the local library and look up a few books a twitter-mom recommended on early puberty and developing.

Early Puberty in Girls

Care and Keeping of You

Here's Lily

The Body Book

Read More

Ice Skating, Girl Power, and Unconditional Love

I have to say my favorite summer tradition is our annual ice skating outing. Yes, ice skating in August! Can you think of a more creative way to beat the dog days of summer? Neither can I.

The girls and I dug out our winter hats and mittens, put on our jeans and headed over to the Chiller Skating Rink. Being August, it wasn’t very busy today… maybe 20 skaters, at best, including 3 pro hockey guys in their getup.

Sahara was glued to the wall, which was fine with me… she stopped at each bench and penalty box while her sister periodically came up from behind to say, “Hi” and offer a helping hand. It took Sahara 45 minutes to do one lap then she hesitantly stepped off of the rink. She amazed me as she walked on her skates without wobbling, which according to her IEP she shouldn’t be able to do.

(LEAPS AND BOUNDS!)

After she removed her skates we went to the balcony to watch Emily skate with confidence, pink cheeks, and a faint smile of pride. Emily twirled and sped across the ice with grace, not a common trait in this kid.

(Another moment of ACCOMPLSHEMENT filled me.)

As we headed to the car, Emily declared she was hungry. After lunch we headed over to the department store to get a jump start on school shopping. As we pulled up to the stop light, I had this urge I just had to heed to. I rolled down my window and freely yelled, “GIRLS ROCK!” Emily’s eyes got big and I heard a faint giggle…

“1, 2, 3… GIRL POWER!”

…we were laughing, shouting, and enjoying our girlhood to the fullest. Sahara participated from the backseat laughing as much as her sister did as she repeated “Girl Power”. For that moment we had no diagnosis in the car, no constraints from society, and no peer pressure… we were just innocently enjoying a mom and me outing celebrating our girl-ness.

We talked about how girls can do anything a boy can do (psst, sometimes better). This is something I think young girls often are not encouraged to do, but not today… today I told them they could be, do, and experience ANYTHING they decided to.

We talked about it being awesome that Emily loves science and math, and that girls can have those types of careers too. I even discovered that Emily secretly thought it would be really neat if her and her sister grew up to be Paleontologists working together on excavations.

HOW COOL IS THAT!?!?

Most siblings want to get as far away from each other as possible, but not my girls. I suppose that this is Emily’s way of saying that I shouldn’t worry about Sahara’s future. She often declares that Sahara and she will live together when they leave home, and sometimes I think that just might be the case.

This was evident half way through the store when Emily (out of the blue) declared, “I LOVE MY SISTER!!!” I looked over at her and smiled faintly, “I know you do and she loves you…”

Read More