What Essential Oils does Alterna-Mom Use?

I have been asked several times lately which essential oils I use with my family. I only trust and use Young Living Essential Oils because I know how they are planted, farmed, harvested, and steam distilled... They are FDA approved for internal consumption and my little ones benefit from diffusing and topical application as well, which is the easiest way to reap the benefits of therapeutic/food grade essential oils.

We have used essential oils to address a wide variety of issues including (but not limited to):

• autism
• anxiety
• nutritional support
• sleep issues
• ring worm
• kidney stones
• poison ivy
• flu and cold
• pink eye
• wound care
• constipation
• academic support
• liver support
• immune enhancement
• melt downs
• and many many more!!!!

If you are wondering how to get started with Young Living Essential Oils. It’s really easy:

• Go to www.youngliving.org/alterna-mom
• Click the “sign up here” tab on the right hand side
• Click “Independent Distributor” to purchase all your Young Living products at the wholesale price
• Click "I Agree" on the distributor application. Note: As a wholesale customer the only part of the agreement that applies to you is you must have a minimum of 50PV / $50 worth of purchases a year, to maintain your wholesale pricing – That’s it! That is ALL you have to do to maintain your wholesale pricing discount.
• Please use my enroller and sponsor number “#1183617” to be a part of my team and a member of the Young Living Success Group (this is a group of people just like you taking charge of their emotional and physical health).
• Choose your “starter kit” …there are 5 to choose from. I personally started with the Everyday Oil kit.
• When your kit arrives I will go though it with you, show you how to use your $40 diffuser coupon and answer all your questions.

____________________________________________________________________________

Distributors/Wholesale Customers enjoy:

• Saving 24 percent off retail prices.
• Buy what you want, when you want.
• No required packs to buy.
• No obligation to sell anything, ever!
• No annual fee
• A $40 off mail-in coupon on a diffuser in every Start Living kit

Optional Savings

If you enjoy saving even more be sure to read about Essential Rewards to learn how you can earn free product!

I look forward to growing our Young Living community…please let me know if you have ANY questions about getting started with Young Living or which essential oils are best for your unique situation.

If you would like a skype consult... let me know that too. :)

Read More

Serendipity and A Random Driveway

Do you believe in serendipity?

I do...

Yesterday I was turning around in a random driveway, and noticed an autism bumper sticker on the tattered car in the driveway. When I looked up, I saw an anxious little face in the bay window....

I have been wondering since if I was supposed to stop and knock on their door... but what do you say, "Um, I know strangers aren't suppose to knock on your door.... and I am probably cause a meltdown with your child, but I was turning around in your driveway and.... I think we are supposed to meet...."

I believe this is how the Universe works, but the mother would have called the cops on me ~ LOL!!!

However, I dully noted the house, maybe I should go back. What do you think? Heck, it was probably one of my autism friends on here.

Read More

Halloween Nights

Halloween is around the corner…. In fact just 10 days away.

It is a super-charged time for me. Firstly, it brings up significant memories for me. Secondly, this Halloween will be the 3^rd year anniversary of our daughter’s formal autism diagnosis… A day our life changed forever!

However, on that Halloween in 2008, I came home and I couldn't breathe…. I was in a stupor for 3 days. Ironically, in hindsight it reminds me of how I felt in the hard plastic masks we couldn’t breathe in as a child; they got unbearably hot as the night went on… which was odd since we lived on the water and the wind chill was certainly cold under the plastic princess dress that didn’t let you move properly and was sure to tear before we made it down even the first street in Jamestown.

No, I didn’t grow up in Virginia…. I don’t know how the community got the nick name other than there was a street close to our Catholic Church called James Street. And the little neighborhood nestled between Lake Erie, the park and the Catholic Church was known as Jamestown; everyone knew everyone back then. All the kids attended the K-12 school and all their parents had gone to school together and their parents and the parents before them.

(This was a nice part of growing up in a small Ohio town.)

On this night, all the cars from the families that lived on the outskirts would roll in and hundreds of kids would pave up and down the street while their parents were nestled warmly in the car waving to the elderly folks on the doorstep. House to house… until the last house of the night… Grandma’s House! That was the best stop, not really because it was Grandma (although this is one of my fondest memories of her)… but she was sure to give us the best treat of the night!!

We would pile back into the car and Mom would remind us not to eat ANY of the candy in our pillow case (our make shift bag) except the one from Grandma; of course because that would be the safest piece of candy in the bag. I am not sure what was in the news those years… I was little, but even though everyone knew everyone, we were not allowed to eat one piece until our parents checked the loot to make sure it was safe to consume… with no pins or tears in the wrapping.

On the way home, Dad would drive around the horn (the quiet peninsula on Lake Erie; another nickname I am not sure the history of) with the window cracked just enough to flick his cigarette ashes as we excitedly pestered our Mom until she said, “Okay, now you can eat your Hershey Bar!” Grandma’s Candy Bar was surely THE best piece of candy in the bag!!

Other memories float in the recess of my mind like the year my Brother made a homemade costume for the Fire Station Costume Contest… a huge pumpkin made out of mesh wire and newspaper with glue water painted bright orange. Not only did he win, but he fell walking down Jamestown and rolled down the street… Hysterical even to an 8 year old!

Or the year when we were much older and my siblings took me to my first Haunted House…. Which was pure terror even for a 16 year old. The ‘werewolf’ (not the warm and sunny kind that Jacob is in New Moon) picked up on my fear and ran with it. He wouldn’t leave me alone as we waited over an hour in line to go through… I was so scared I PICKED MY BROTHER UP and barricaded myself between him and a large tree. Mind you I was a tiny adolescent… could blow away in the wind; Fear and Adrenaline was my strength!! On the way home we laughed so hard we cried.

Halloween was a fun holiday!! As I moved grew older I still came home during my college years, dressed up and went Trick or Treating with my niece in Jamestown…

My husband and I had our first date on Oct. 27, 1988! We were supposed to go to a HauntedHouse, but ended up at

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers.

Every year since, we watch a scary movie in honor of our first date. On our first Halloween Married, we went to a costume party as a Biker and his Bitch... we had a blast when no one recognized my new hubby! We went home the next day to celebrate what unknown to us would be my Father's last birthday. My Dad about flipped out when she saw my fake tatto... he thought it was real!! Of course, I milked the situation as best as I could until I thought he was going to kill me.... not really.

As we became parents ourselves, my love for Halloween continued. I loved seeing my little ones dressed up as little cows and ladybugs!! Of course they never ate the candy; I would take it in to my office and give it to my clients. On my oldest daughter’s fifth Halloween she handmade her costume…. Tinker Bell!!! She picked out the fabric, cut it, hand stitched it… for weeks she worked diligently on it. Taking pride and care in each stitch…

On that Beggar’s Night, we went Trick or Treating with a group of other parents and their kids. They were on a mission to get as much candy as possible, running from house to house. One mother had our whole route planned out to hit the most houses… as if she couldn’t afford to buy her own kid a Twix (said with a little contempt in my voice)! BUT, Emily didn’t go up to half the houses that night!! She danced n twirled like a real Pixie, while telling everyone who would listen about how she had made her own Tinker Bell Costume. She rolled down hills of leaves and was happy being removed from the drama around her.

Every year since, we have hand made our costumes… with a family theme:

Harry Potter, Toy Story, Fairy Tales, Egyptians, Puppies and Dog Catchers, And this year… Ancients!!

ANCEINTS… people or concepts of people that are from our past that still influence us today (Emily’s idea)… Ancestors that are from many many generations before us still bringing us enlightenment! Over the years, Halloween has become as significant to her as to me. I am sure on Nov. 1 she will be asking, “So, what do you want to be next year?”

On the Middle School bus yesterday, the kids were boasting about smashing pumpkins and taking the whole bowl of candy left on porches… my eldest daughter came home expressing how stunned she was. Emily said she couldn’t believe the disrespect and immaturity the kids were bragging about. When she called them on it, they gave her a hard time and asked, “Well, what do you do for fun then on Halloween?”

She, very matter of fact, told them she walked around with her family… They balked at her, but she continued to tell them about our family themes, and how her sister was diagnosed with Autism on Halloween 3 years ago. So for her little sister to design her own costume this year was a big deal; and supporting her sister was more important than the junk they were stealing.

She told me some of the kids got quiet, but the bully just went on with her rhetoric, but she didn’t mind. She said that she understands most families are not as close as we are… and she found that to be sad. She is very insightful… perhaps a true Ancient resides within her!!

This morning as I laid out our material and the intricate plans Emily has sketched for us for the construction of these costumes… I am reminded how Halloween has signified so many moments in my life! It isn’t about the loot and the monsters or the devil as some religious persons believe. It is about clean fun, family and creating memories with our children.

…This year will be no different. We will spend the next 10 days diligently working on our costumes for a night of family fun complete with Trick or Treating, Pumpkin Carving, Hot Homemade Chili waiting to warm us up afterwards…. AND FAMILY MILESTONES!!

Read More

I AM ME... The Autism Discussion with my Daughter

Every year the Ohio State Fair marks a monumental moment for us... the home stretch of summer break. This year was no different... until we arrived there and then the twists and turns of the day lead to an unexpected turning point in our world of autism...

We were greeted by a procession of dozens of motorcycle cops blowing their horns with flashing lights... what was the big deal??

SANTA!

Sahara is obsessed with Santa (and I mean that literally). The past 3 weeks have been riddled with Christmas Carols, crafts and plans about how we now have a fireplace to accommodate The Big Guy entering the house Christmas Eve... never mind you it is the dog days of summer. This has left me wondering why we tell our children this lie.

Now once upon a time I thought this was a magical right of passage.

Today? I see how my older NT daughter is completely upset that I had lied to her all of these years. And although I know we shall get through this, it leaves me wondering how we will address this exaggeration of the truth to our autistic daughter. The not so well thought out excuse, “The spirit of Santa Clause lives in us all as long as we believe,” will certainly not suffice to my concrete thinker.

I have even started saying to her, “What if Mommy is Santa?” And she looks at me with a ‘I don’t understand’ expression and moves on. In fact, these are one of those moments in parenthood that you regret bringing mainstream delusions into the world of autism. I suspect that this will be a very difficult situation to overcome...

Anyways, let’s get back at the State Fair.

Each year we have a previous year’s experience to help measure our progress.... and HUGE MILESTONES were evident.

From being able to ride independently on rides as we stood on the side lines looking on just like the other parents ... to her exclaiming that she wanted to go on the Big Yellow Slide and The Caterpillar (junior roller coaster). What is so amazing about that? She asked for them before she saw them... which means she not only remembered the fair from previous years, but had the words to tell us.

Having more and more words coupled with receptive communication has been our biggest growth this past year (especially the past several months).

Words were sandwiched between every activity... but there we moments that reminded us that autism was still in our midst.

... like the time she refused to stop playing with the squirt guns at the water balloon game... the Carnie yelled, “hey kids if you aren’t going to play, stop touching the guns.” Of course Sahara didn’t understand his words muted over the back ground noises... so I quickly come to her defense, “she has autism and doesn’t understand you”. He huffs away, we move on.

.... or the time she ran across the bridge on an obstacle course and that Carnie yelled at her to stop running and when she didn’t he grabbed her arm and told her to go back and walk the bridge or she wouldn’t be allowed to come back on the rest of the day. I am hot, exhausted and snap, “she has autism". Then he gave me a look like ‘make her listen lady or else’ so I add, ".... I am doing the best I can.”

A few weeks ago I caught myself on numerous occasions saying in reference to her, “She has autism”, as a defense against perceived odd, annoying, or challenging behaviors. I wondered what message that this sent her? I remember thinking that I didn’t want her to use this label as an excuse and I didn’t want her to identify herself solely on this label and so I vowed to shift my language and beliefs. I obviously didn’t do very well with the oath at the Fair.

Each time this ‘defense’ came out of my mouth, I was left with a feeling of regret in my heart. And found my internal dialog was desperately trying to find an alternate way of responding (not reacting) to others frustrations, judgments, and demands on my child who IS EXCEPTIONAL BEYOND THIS LABEL!!

I realized at the fair that this is so much more about me than her... [or so I thought]. My daughter is good at teaching me huge lessons in life... patience, faith, trust, compassion, endurance, etc. This day was no different...

After using the bathroom, she washed her hands. As I looked down I knew that she was going to tear her wrist band for the rides off as soon as I saw it get wet... there was no convincing her to keep it on. She has sensory issues around water... so I knew the wet band was irritating her wrist.

Her dad and sister took off to go ride the big rides while we headed to the other side of the park to see if they would issue a new tag.

Honestly, I didn’t want to shelve out another $22 for a new wrist band and was panicked that they wouldn’t cooperate with my request. We arrived to the tent which was empty all except a middle aged man sitting at a table. He looks up and asks what I need and I blurt out, “My daughter has autism and tore her wrist band off when it got wet, can we get a new one?”

No Resistance.

No questions.

Just an understanding nod of the head.

He has her sit down and he repairs the band and puts it on her ankle over her sock to prevent further skin irritation... pretty sure he has done this before or perhaps he has a special child in his own life.

I am taken by surprise when Sahara starts to sob as we are walking out of the tent. I get down on my knees and ask why she is upset. Her answer punches me in the heart... “AUTISM”... I embrace her and we cry for a moment together... “I SAD!!”

“Does autism make you sad?”

A very clear articulate, “YES!”

“Do you want me to stop saying you have autism?”

She looks me in the eyes and says an even more articulate and clear, “YES!!”

I am floored... I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. On one hand, I am relieved she knows about the autism. Yet on the other, it is my own damn sense of insecurity and my Mama Bear reactions that most likely resulted in her awareness.... and she doesn’t like it... in fact, she said it makes her sad.

I always wondered when we would have “the autism discussion”... I never pictured it happening organically at the Ohio State Fair. But there it is.... “Yes, Sahara, you have autism... but no it does not define you. You are, can do and will become anything you so choose.”

So there it is... My 7 year old quasi verbal child just reminded me why I educate others that our kids are exceptional beyond labels... I have gone introspective and decided it really isn’t anyone’s business why my child has quirks... and really that IS my issue not hers. In her own way, she made it quite clear, that she is not defined by autism... she is Sahara Grace. And so, I move forward into our new chapter of our newly defined world within autism.

Read More

Dear Autistic Friends... My Gratitude, Frustrations and Empowerment

Dear Adult Autistic Friends,

Thank you for debunking myths about being an autistic adult for me. Sahara (my 7 year old daughter) has gone from catatonic to achieving daily milestones... and I feel hearing your stories and befriending you has helped me set the bar high for this amazing child (when professionals said to institutionalize her).

Traditional therapy and educators didn't instill compassion and empathy in her. Nor did it teach her to strive for self actualization... which she WILL achieve some day. I have done that (along with father and sister.) Together we have worked day and night to see that she have the highest quality of life. Daily we meditate and focus on what our goals are... not the fears and struggles. If we got caught up in all of the woes than we would have little progress.

I have found gifts wrapped around this journey... and each of you have helped me achieve this. Yes, I know there are struggles... anyone who has read this blog knows I understand the raw side of autism. But, what I don't understand is how you set limits on what your autistic child will do 20 years from now. How do I know she won't get married? Or have a fulfilling career? Or travel on speaking engagements about her autism journey?

I don't... like I told the psych, "We don't have a crystal ball".

But, ironically... the extreme opposite is that I also get frustrated when outsiders talk about the gifts of autism... cause they do not know that raw emotional pain we go through and how much harder our kids have to work at seemingly simple things. I get offended by their assumption that they know more about this journey than us.

They do not see how hard I have worked to pull this child out of catatonia... when told we couldn't. How my persistence and attachment parenting taught her compassion, emotion and empathy... when told she couldn't. How we had to scrape pennies to get natural remedies... when they told us they wouldn't work.

I have worked hard at giving her the best chance at a life she so chooses... because she deserves that and so much more. And she has worked even harder to meet all of our demands on her young being.

Yes, like I always say, we have come a long way... but we have even longer way to go. But today I am optimistic that she will be a productive citizen and have all the opportunities her NT sister has. I know she will always see life through different colored glasses, but she is exceptional beyond the label and limitations of autism... as are all of you.

Thank You for your compassion, understanding, encouragement and friendship... it has helped empower me as a mother of a young girl on the spectrum.

~ Alterna-Mom

Read More

Morning Gratitude

Morning Gratitude: Thank You God for trusting me enough to be the mother of these special kids!! Last night I was listening to Sahara talk, yes talk, to Emily and her BFF and I said to Jim... THIS is the same child that the psychologist wanted us to institutionalize... even through all the advocating and tears, I am so humbled to walk this path with them. THEY give our life deeper meaning and for that I am forever grateful!! ♥

Read More

Why I Blog

Just feeling the need today to re-iterate why I blog...

My blog is a place were I explore my feelings and experiences that occur within the web of my motherhood. It is a safe place where I execute my right to freedom of speech. The beautiful thing about the art of journaling is that by purging words onto a piece of paper (or monitor screen) you release them. In doing so, clarity of a situation, experience or emotion may come forth. In making this journaling experience public, I hope that other parents (especially mothers) can gain wisdom, strength, and a sense of community from my entries.

Read More

Attention Educators: Stop Bullshitting Me (Part 1)

I think educators think we [parents] are stupid.

However, I would like to remind them all [teachers, principles, aides and administrators] that as a professional counselor it is my job to see through people’s bullshit. And lately I have been wading in a lot of that.

I have tried to be nice, like Peter Wright suggests... but I have had my fill of social etiquette this year.

(For those of you who don't know: The district is moving our autistic daughter from her current building to the home building based on residency because of 'district growth challenges' or so they say... and we have let them know we do not approve. She is not only flourishing but has built friendships with the kids in her grade level.)

Anyways, the principle out right lied at the IEP meeting stating that the 'administrative team' reviewed her records and the decision was based on her excessive tardiness... "REALLY? because I put her on the bus on time every day this year; she better have gotten to school ON TIME". Of course her school record confirm that she was NEVER late to school. So we were told about 3 more songs and dances on why she couldn’t stay in the building where she was not only established, but flourishing!

What is interesting, we know there are other children in this same building who are not in their home building... and yet they did not get the same letter that we were told was 'standard' and sent to all students not in their appropriate building based on residency.

But the thing that bothered me the most... was the teacher I lovED and respectED didn’t correct the principle in her tardiness accusations... she sat there wide eyed and didn’t say a word... until the principle left the room. THEN she whispered, “She has never been tardy!!” Why didn’t you speak up when the principle was ‘arguing’ with me about this? I thought you were supposed to be Sahara’s advocate. (3 professionals you work with told me you have 'pull' with the district and could advocate for her to stay... so why aren't you??)

Then the therapist and teacher refused to add accommodations into the IEP that support these statements.... “she reads better with the lights off” (sensory issues) AND “she does better in OT with fine motor activities (like writing) when she does Brain Gym first”.

When I tell you I am unhappy about this not being in the IEP I get the response, “they will figure it out.” That Is not only an unprofessional statement, but unacceptable.

My poker face went out the window weeks ago, so you add, “well, Sahara just might tell them herself.”

Seriously?!?!

The child still often speaks in jargon and you are going to expect that level of verbal communication from her? Yet alone that is not the child's responsibility!!

“I thought you said you were going to relay that to the new team yourself?”

"Oh yeah I will” [big cheesy smile]... pardon me I think you are bullshitting me again!!!

This makes me wonder how much more bullshit you dealt out this year. Unfortunately, I will never know since my daughter has gross communication and language delays. But I wonder about the rides home when she said, “Sad... school... sad” as she whimpered. Or the day she came home saying, “Arm hurt....” And when I asked about it ‘nothing’ out of the ordinary was reported.

If you cannot speak your truth in front of the principle or directly to me when confronted.... I wonder how truthful you have been all year. So maybe, just maybe... once again, God is protecting Sahara by having her forced to move on from this building.

I know I have been very verbal about this on facebook lately... that helps me process. And I knew I would eventually get to the silver lining... I think I got there today.

I really was hoping for different outcomes... but time to move on. So, we are agreeing (as if we had a choice) to put her in the home building under the contingency that if we note ANY regression, we are reconvening the IEP team! And I WILL have my head so far up the new team's butt... they will be crossing every T and dotting every I for me next year. I will not let my guard down nor get all buddy-buddy with the new team. They are being hired by me to do a job... and I will make sure they are doing it.

So we end the school year bitter sweet.... you just heard the bitter.

The sweet is Sahara has made HUGE HUGE HUGE progress this year. She has bloomed socially and academically (reading, writing and doing math!!). If I see any hint of regression in the new setting I am no longer afraid to go to bat for this kid!! And again as an educated mother who has worked in the education and counseling fields... I am not hesitant on pulling her and home schooling. She deserves that and much more!

((Stay tuned for part 2 on Stop Bullshitting Me... Part 2 on Emily's adventure!))

Read More

IEP Season

I have come to understand there are 2 different cultures of moms in the month of May... the moms counting down til summer break just so they can count down til school starts AND the moms who are in the midst of IEP-season. No judgement.... just keenly aware of the differences right now.

I used to be in the first culture (minus the countdown for school starting – I always dreaded seeing that big yellow bus pulling up to take my children away.) But once apon a time, May was the time of year to make summer plans and get all excited about the unlimited fun possibilities masked as summer vacation... I miss the simplicity of that lifestyle.

But that is in the past... now, I dread May (not really I love May, but I do dread IEP season). The awkward red tape that is surrounding our special children's education is very irritating to me... let’s face it the IEP really is a bullshit document. You never get what you think your child needs and the services never seem to be quite enough. And the teachers always say they are helpless while the people in suits sitting behind desks in a cozy building making 6 digits are really calling the shots.

I often wonder if they took pay-cuts, could our children get the services they deserve? This isn't a matter of whether or not a child will go to prom (and I guess sometimes it is), but their education really is about their future.... their life and potential. I suppose, as an administrator, it is easy to clock in, do your job and clock out. But for us parents it is a 24/7 lifetime commitment.

A commitment to a child... not a number, a name or a budget... but the living, breathing human being who has unlimited possibilities if given the proper support and tools. It shouldn't have to be this hard to secure our children a free appropriate education (or therapy, but that is another blog entry).

Read More

Autism and Breastfeeding

So, you might be asking what breastfeeding has to do with autism. Well, nothing really… and yet everything in our corner of the world.

April is Autism Awareness Month; I have blogged on just about every topic pertaining to autism… except breastfeeding. Which, to me, seems a bit ironic as that is the single activity that began our quest to discover that autism was in our midst.

Another reason I find this strange is that I am a breastfeeding advocate. In fact, I dedicated a whole chapter in my book, The Mother Consciousness, to breastfeeding. The content ranged from the obvious (the health benefits, economic afford-ability and expressing milk) to the taboo side of nursing (reclaiming the breast as a rite of passage into motherhood as opposed to a sexual icon, nursing beyond infancy and tandem nursing non-multiple birth siblings).

Then of course, there was my self-proclamation of being an expert on breastfeeding. Obviously this was purely my own experiential honorary achievement that I had created. The Mother Consciousness was inspired by my innate desire to explore how the Jungian maternal archetypes had influenced my mindful decisions to partake in natural childbirth and my inherent choices within early motherhood. However, even with years of mindfully nursing my own children, I still was not aware (because it wasn’t evident yet) that nursing also would play a major role in the diagnosis, socialization and developmental growth of my autistic daughter.

The circumstances and awkwardness of nursing my second born daughter offered the first inkling that something wasn’t ‘quite right’. I vividly remember lying in the bed nursing while making googly noises – and feeling a sinking sensation when I noted she wouldn’t look at me or respond to my obvious attempt to interact with her. She stared off in space… into a private world of her own.

I thought this was an odd reaction. So I started to softly… then not so softly, say her name. She didn’t even wiggle a wee bit. I began to have flashbacks of her older sister nursing at this age (5 months) and she would gaze up into my eyes and reach for my face. I felt a panic in my heart as a siren was going off in the confines of my own mind that something wasn’t right.

Over the next two days, the same scenario repeated itself over and over… I increasingly grew more anxious. I knew in my heart that something was wrong, but I did not know it was autism. In fact, it would take years to get professionals to listen to me that something was wrong.

On the Eve of her first Christmas, I finally uttered to my husband, “Honey, we need to talk.” He got that look he gets in his eyes when he senses something is wrong. I took a long deep breath, “I noticed something the other night… well, I am concerned.” (a long pause) “Every time I nurse Sahara she just stares off into space... You know, Emily always gazed in my eyes when she nursed. But I have been thinking… and I don’t think Sahara has ever looked up at me when nursing.”(an even longer pause) “Not even once. She also doesn’t respond to my voice. Do you think she could be deaf?”

I saw tears immediately flow down his cheek as I validated some of his hidden concerns. My heart broke in a million pieces that night. To make a long story short the pediatrician blew our concerns off and said it was because I was a new mom. I reminded him that I have been a mother for 5 ½ years and know when something isn’t right, and there was something wrong…

Fast forward 4 years… Sahara was finally diagnosed with infantile autism on Halloween day 2008. Every time I tell this story, emotion catches in my throat as I think about how she gazed off into space when I nursed her and how the psychologist told us to prepare to institutionalize her because of the severity of her symptoms.

But I also remember her tiny fingers wrapped around mine, caressing me as if to say, “I am in here Mama… don’t worry.” And I think about how, even with the autism, she was able to seek my comfort through my motherly breasts when she was hurt, upset or frustrated just like her nuero-typical sister. That somehow, innocently touching my bare skin brought her the safety she needed in a world that was full of triggers and overwhelming stimuli for her; I was her comfort and transitional object.

I think about her eating disorder (children with autism often are picky eaters or experience pica) how I was always reassured in the fact that she breastfed beyond infancy, so I knew she was getting the most perfect nutrition. And how when she got sick (children with autism often have gut issues and compromised immune responses) I knew that she was still getting healthy anti-bodies through the breast milk. And even though she was catatonic for the first four years of her life, she was able to still bond and interact with me at a level that is beyond comprehension.

I venture to say that the mindful act of breastfeeding and attachment parenting may very well have been the catalyst to help set the stage to pull her out of catatonia when even the psychologists said institutionalization was going to be the only option. I am not ashamed to say we nursed her way beyond toddler-hood. I do believe that when she did not have words, that this motherly act alone, was a way for us to connect and interact with meaning. And when I see her breastfeeding her baby dolls and nurturing them through this intimate act today, I find peace of mind in knowing that she is learning how to express care, love and compassion for another human being.

This past weekend she was on the couch cuddling with me when she started to repetitively poke my breast with her small pointer finger. I smiled at her when she gazed up at me (perhaps I even silently rejoiced that at 6 years of age, she is finally able to gaze into my eyes without hesitation and that by some means we are able to create and nurture those building blocks that she missed during infancy).

What I didn’t expect in that moment, though, was for her to say, “Milk all gone.” I nodded yes and she continued in her broken early speech pattern to say slowly with much effort, “Milk broken. Mommy doctor. Doctor fix Milk.” Tears welled up in my eyes as my heart fell in love with this child for the ten-millionth time!

“No, the doctor can’t fix ‘Milkies’. Sahara is a big girl now, so the milk went bye bye.” We sat there in silence, her fingers continued to poke my breast as our breath synced together just like when she nursed.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Sahara?”

“Milk all gone?”

“Yes, Milk all gone.”

“Sahara sad.”

“I know. Mommy sad too.”

So why is this interaction so important to share? Simply because it is the most concrete, expressive, lengthy ‘conversation’ we have ever shared together. Amazingly, the act of breastfeeding my daughter continues today to create opportunities for advancement.

If I had one thing to share with young women or expectant mothers, it would be… if you have genetic markers of autism and even if you don’t, seriously consider nursing your child. Nursing your child is not just about feeding him/her. Nursing your child is about cultivating essential human bonding and stimulating neurodevelopment and immune enhancement. Nursing your child could just be that vital gateway for future possibilities to manifest… and that could be ‘utterly’ colossal.

Read More

Breakfast Success

Am I an overachieving mother?

Perhaps!

This morning for breakfast I made...

Sahara ~ Bacon, Fresh Strawberries and a Smoothie. After I delivered it to her (in bed) she said in a sweet 'I love you' sort of voice, "Downstairs, Mom." I suppose she was happy with her selection and just wanted to happily munch while watching Angelina the Ballerina by herself.

Emily ~ Cream Cheese and Homemade Berry Jam Stuffed French Toast, Bacon, Fresh Strawberries and OJ. She, too, is feeling the need to be by herself this morning and is watching Star Gate Atlantis in her own room. (I get sad sometimes about her new desire about having her own space, but that is part of the growing pains of motherhood.)

Mom ~ A Mushroom, Spinach and Cheese Omelet, a Banana and Hot Cup of Coffee. I am basking in the silence of content children in my midst with the fresh breeze coming through the open window. But, I know this moment won't last long... as is it almost time for the noon crunch of getting ready for the bus, then 5th grade home school goes into full swing. Today we move onto fractions and I am actually secretly looking forward to finding out how Junie B Jones is going to get out of the pickle she is in. Or maybe I just like hearing my daughter read...

Dad ~ Well, truthfully, I don't know what he had for breakfast. I intended on waking up early to make him something, but he was already off to work when I rolled out of bed at 7:15. I hope he is having a peaceful day in the pod.

I feel satisfied in this moment. I hope you all enjoyed your morning too...

Read More

Mamapalooza Columbus Spring Festival 2011

MAMAPALOOZA COLUMBUS SPRING FESTIVAL 2011

COLUMBUS, OH (5/14/11) - -

Mamapalooza Columbus, a regional branch of New York’s Mamapalooza Inc., is providing an empowering Spring Festival again in Columbus, Ohio. This fun mom-centered, family-friendly, indoor-outdoor festival will take place Saturday, May 14 12:00Noon - 6:00 p.m at WholeKids Pediatrics & Yoga,1335 Dublin Rd., Columbus, OH 43215.

The first 100 Moms through the gate will receive a re-usable environmentally friendly bag full of goodies, coupons and more! Attendees can take part in a silent raffle, delicious food, LIVE music, and visit a variety of vendor/informational booths.

Dr. Dhanu Sant, MD FAAP will be just one of the many presenters that will be focusing on mother and child issues. Other presenters will be Hiliary Frambes of Parenting.com & Mom Congress, Alissa DeRouchie of Sprout Soup, Eileen Clary of HandyGirl!, and Erin Giddens of Young Living Essential Oils.

Mamapalooza Columbus will provide a safe space for the children to participate in arts and crafts, a creative mural, sing-alongs, story-times, family yoga, face painting and The Columbus Fire Safety House. There will be a nurturing space for nursing mothers too!

The full line-up of many talented mama-musicians & bands that will be rocking the stage include Tenara Calem, Vanessa Prentice, The Ginger Lees, Wicks & Wonder, Columbus Women’s Chorus, Megan Cameron, Za Unit & The Angry Men, One80, The Mamas & The Papa, Jerry & The Hashbrowned Seagulls, Randi Mockensturm, Lost Hollow, Katanya Ingram, Joanie Calem and Elliot 12trees.

Mamapalooza Columbus Spring Festival 2011 is presented by Sprout Soup, A natural family store. WCBE , Central Ohio’s NPR is the festival’s media sponsor. 10% of proceeds will benefit Amethyst Inc, a local women’s shelter. You can connect with Mamapalooza Columbus! on facebook.

Admission: Adults: $5; Children: $1; Families $10

###

Read More

Still Autism Awareness Month: Your beliefs are important.

It is April 11th and it is still autism awareness month... Are you aware?

When Sahara was just 4 and a half, we were told to prepare to institutionalize her!!

Why?

Because she was catatonic, non-verbal, socially withdrawn, and we were opting to not participate in ABA therapy.

Once we got the confirmation of the label... the denial subsided... and we got to work. It was hard; I will not sugar coat it. I worked 24/7 while trying to make life seem as normal as possible for my whole family.

TODAY she is no longer catatonic, she is a funny, intelligent, determine little girl with potential beyond your comprehension. No, she isn't cured. Yes, she will always have to work a little hard than everyone else. But, we have undeniably made great strides and are well on our way to creating a typical life for her. Typical? What is that anyways?

Never except sub-standards for your child.... your thoughts & beliefs are more important than prognosis from professionals... if you believe she can, she will!!! Sometimes that is all there is to give me strength to go on. I am glad we did it MY way... Sahara will do all of the things that they tried to tell us that she wouldn't... and more!!

Why?

Because her father, her sister and I believe she can... and now we are finding out that so does she. And that belief is what gives us opportunities and empowerment. My expectations are higher than anyones, who better to be her life coach?

This isn't airy-fairy wishful thinking. It takes time, energy, sweat, tears and let's not forget lots of money that never seems to be there... but all of those things are delicately balanced between laughter, joy, hope and unconditional love.

We have come a long way in a mere 2 years... speech, eye contact, parallel play, interactive play, expressive communication, gross and fine motor development... and the catatonia? Gone like the wind.... never to come back.

SAHARA WILL DO OR BECOME ANYTHING SHE DESIRES.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS FAMILY BEHIND HER....

AND WE SEE POTENTIAL WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES...

ROCK ON LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!

Read More

Autism Awareness Day: In a nutshell

I am a proud mother of 2 daughters; one who is exceptional beyond this label, and the other, a sibling who is just as spectacular. It took us 4 years to get 'professionals' to listen to us bc of gender issues. We are addressing Autism naturally without ABA nor meds... want to know more about autism or how it affects females.... ask me any day not just on this hallmark day!! I have met the most diverse and supportive folks on this journey... to you I am eternally grateful. My husband is supports me and the girls unconditionally on this journey. Autism has strengthened our relationship. We have learned, over tears and triumphs, that Autism isn't the end of dreams, but a beginning of new ones... I have high expectations for both of my children and am busting through the limitations certain 'professionals' put on them. Yes, having autism in our lives sucks at times, but it also is extraordinary. My daughter is incredible and has taught us more than you can imagine. Thank you for sharing this journey with my family.

Read More

Restless Good Night Routine

Our nighttime routine is anything but routine... it has no rhyme, no rhythm! It is undeniably the most difficult part of the day in the life of autism. When Mom and Dad are both exhausted from the day's events.... one child ready to crash n burn while the other is just getting her second wind.... or so that is how it seems.

Last night I had a revelation about this challenging situation; and ironically it was the very fact that this night was no different than any other that gave me the insight...

Everyone was in bed by 9:00pm. Well, everyone but Sahara... who was running downstairs to find her tiny wooden bed for her tiny plastic Bambi deer figurine. She turned every toy chest over until our apartment looked like a ‘Toys R Us’ explosion took place.

The thing that tugs my heart strings the most about this is that she doesn’t have the words to say, "Hey, did anyone see the little wooden toy bed?" Nope instead, she was running around yelling, "Where'd it go?" coupled with a bunch a mindful jargon that certainly... just maybe… most likely meant, "Hey, did anyone see the little wooden toy bed?"

So we spent an hour looking for a toy that she is obsessed with, but we didn’t know which toy we are looking for... a needle in the hay stack. Thank GOD for Emily, who is usually the one to break the code. She figured it out and Bambi finally got a proper tucking in!! Everyone was back in bed.

10:00 pm

"I hungry. I hungry. I eat chocolate pudding.... I huuunnnngry."

Chocolate Soy Pudding is one of the only things she will eat and I am certain she really was hungry... it had been hours since she had consumed anything other than string and paper; pica sucks and has been rearing its ugly head more frequently again!! This brings us to the next development of the story... After she ate the pudding... she said, "Potty!"

I tell her to go... after 5 minutes I say, "Sahara wipe and come back to bed."

"I POTTY!!"

"Are you pooping?"

"Yes, I poop." This was followed by several minutes of loud grunting. I get up and go to the bathroom to see her pushing with all her might!! Constipation!! I am certain it was triggered by the cardboard she ate the night before. There she sat in tears for a half an hour with just 2 tiny pellets to show for it. My heart aches! I can see the frustration in her eyes as she says, "Potty broken."

11:45 pm

After she settled back into bed, she decided she wanted to sleep on the futon at the end of our bed. We get her settled in, lay back down... and she starts to chatter non-stop. We can understand words intermittently, "mermaid... poop... party... frog...."

12:30 am

She was now hopping like a frog across the futon... and flopping like a mermaid, all while the chattering and giggles continue. Her dad tried to reason with her... but rationally we know there is no reasoning... she is stimming and we have to wait it out. I lay down beside her... I watch and hold the space... I can see that it is not a conscious game she was playing. But rather an obsessive flow of thoughts, actions and words.... pouring out of her.

1:45 am

Then just like every night... she suddenly stops. Silence!! She scoots closer to me... I can feel the sleepy warmth of her body as she cradled into my arms and gently played with my ear lobe and cheek.

2:45 am

The house was asleep.... as my own thoughts kept fading in and out of sleep.

4:00 am

She woke up again to use the bathroom.... sensory issues do not sleep!! It takes her another hour get over the moisture on her skin from the urination.

5:00 am

She was sound asleep. I was beyond the exhausted phase... you know, the one where you can't sleep. I lay there watching her peacefully sleep.... maybe one of the few moments of normalcy in her chaotic world... I heard her sister's heavy breathing… and my husband is in a deep soundless sleep. I was alone with my thoughts in the quiet of the night. I lay there thinking about this... and I conclude that this bedtime routine serves a grand purpose.

I believe that she is emoting the stress of her day; processing the events, words, interactions, demands, fantasies, constipation, pica, raw frustration of living in a world where few understand her thoughts and words... in the only way she knows how... in the quiet of the night… where she is safe and nothing will interrupt this process… she flaps, stims and processes her day. And once this unconscious need subsides she falls into a gentle sleep.

Read More

5 iPads for Autism

I have a brilliant idea!!

I want to get 5 iPads into the hands of non/pre-verbal autistic children... and more if I can.

How?

Well, let me back up a tiny bit and tell you were I got the idea... It stemmed from my frustration with the system. I was using my blog as a rant... aka cheap therapy!! But as I typed those words, I started to get this idea... let's do a fundraiser to raise the funds for an iPad for Sahara.

But, I am not a self-serving person... so I started to think bigger, let's ask for more donations than what we personally need. Let's get enough to fund 5 additional iPads for other Autistics... Imagine the empowerment you would create in those lives!!

Hence the birth of the Sahara's Voice fundraiser.

Well, we posted the fundraiser 5 days ago and have raised $162 so far... while that is awesome!!! I want to keep it rolling.... please share this page with everyone you know... let's show the world what it means to pay it forward!!

Please remember a bunch of little things can add up to be a huge thing!!

If you have a company, consider donating in the company's name. The company will be acknowleged on our blog, twitter, facebook and in press releases.

Here are some links of interest:

iPad GIVES VOICE TO AUTISTICS

Extensive list of iPad applications for people with autism

Expressive application

Read More

Giving up 'The F Word'

I swear, I admit it, and make no excuses.... I find it cathartic!!

In fact, I bet if you were to read through my posts, you would find it slipping in on some of the entries... like this one.

I vividly remember having an open conversation with the family priest when I was 26 about my love of the F word in my parents' kitchen.... that was interesting!! Sure glad My Mom didn't know what we were talking about in there!

I also remember talking with this saucy nun on campus during my college years about this fantastic word... she loved the F word too!! Isn't that a hoot?

BUT nonetheless, today is a pivotal moment... I have decided to give it up for lent. Oh, Dear Lord, it is going to be a long 40 days!!

BTW, My tween is so excited about this... I am sure she is plotting and planning detailed consequences if I falter even just a wee bit. Maybe I should come up with a replacement word...

Read More

Sahara's Voice

Dear Friends,

My daughter, Sahara, is a pre-verbal six year old kindergartener… she has delays across the board developmentally and academically. Our family is still recovering from a 7 month unemployment situation caused by an agency wide down-sizing last year. As a result we, like many autism families, are unable to afford an iPad for Sahara. I am writing you to let you know how disheartened I am to learn that not all professionals see the obvious benefits of an iPad for autistic kids and what I want to do about it.

Let me start by telling you our story: I contacted our insurance company in early December to see if they would fund this much needed tool for her. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that all we needed to do was present documentation from her doctor and speech therapist stating that she would benefit from this assistive devise. If we could provide this, then they would put it before a panel that would make the ultimate decision… not a definite yes, but a better answer than I expected.

I inquired to our speech therapist about writing a letter on Sahara’s behalf. She was pleasant about it and said she would do so over the holidays. Well, the holidays came and went and no letter arrived. Finally, 7 weeks later I called to ask where the letter was. I was stunned to get the response that, “I can’t … it is unethical.” She continued to tell me that there was no research or proof that an autistic child would benefit from such a devise. (I am pretty sure she is living in the Stone Age!)

I am even more certain this response is political and follows a money trail. She was initially more than happy to comply during our first conversation and now was saying it would be unethical to recommend an iPad for an autistic child with gross language , communication , social and academic delays? To further illustrate my political theory, let me share that she also refused to work with another piece of equipment we have immediate access to. I informed her that I have a friend willing to GIVE me a Tech-Speak and she refused to work with Sahara with this equipment too… well, that is unless we completed an assistive technology evaluation through her agency. She then proceeded to tell me that this is a “very expensive” evaluation which “most likely will not be covered by insurance.”

Now, I understand that this $2000 Tech-Speak will not have all of the apps the iPad offers. In fact, I am pretty sure its capabilities are inferior by far. From what I understand the iPad does have a multitude of applications that can help aid in language & communication, academics, social stories, scheduling and so much more. I know from watching Sahara on the computer, that she is technology savy… must take after her father!! In fact, she can navigate through files on the computer almost better than I.

So, what do I do?

To make a long story short, I have decided to hold a fund-raiser to raise funds for the iPad. I hope that I can raise enough money to not only fund the iPad and applications for Sahara, but for other autism families with economic hardships. I am wondering, does any know if Apple ever offer discounts in such situations? So many families are struggling like ours… 1 in 91 kids today have autism… how can we get this equipment into the hands of those of us who do not have access to extra funds for this essential technology?

If you would like to donate to this fundraiser, you can do so HERE or you can send a secure “gift payment” directly to us through paypal via ladysusan@sbcglobal.net.

If you would like to apply to win a iPad through this this fundraiser… we are creating an application for you to do so. Once we raise enough money, we will post how many we have available and how you can apply.

We are raising funds until April 15^th… in hopes that we can have the iPads by May 1st.

Thank you,

Susan, Jim, Emily and Sahara

Read More