When I met my husband I was 18 years old, 5 foot 9 inches, and 95 pounds (if soaking wet). I never wanted to be as thin as I was… my metabolism just was that of a gerbil’s! In fact, I remember many times attempting to gain weight during high school and I just couldn’t. Many people thought I had an eating disorder, but I didn’t—it really was just the way my body and metabolism worked.
I gained a lot of weight when I was 26 years old after my father passed away; I soothed my grief with food: mashed potatoes, ice cream, chocolate. It wasn’t until years later that I learned Chocolate really did affect the brain. Serotonin, a neurotransmitter commonly known as an antidepressant is triggered by tryptophan which is found in chocolate.
Over the years I have either been either too skinny or too heavy by my own standards. Although, it never amounted into a true eating disorder by definition, it certainly misconstrued how I perceived my body. Now, I admit I am 170 and agonize over the loss of the body I once had.
Today we eat healthy (mostly organic) real foods and trust me I am active… I chase (literally) after kids, do laundry, clean house, go on outdoor excursions, taxi Sahara to and from various therapies & Emily to her extracurricular activities, I climb stairs all day, and never really get a few moments to sit down until the end of the day. At that point, I fall asleep out of pure exhaustion while putting the girls to bed, only to awaken in a few hours because I am worried about the one child who sleep walks and has night terrors and the other who wanders outdoors and is non-verbal.
I am sure that my lack of sleep over the years has contributed to those numbers staring back at me on the scale. I am also sure that I have learned to eat to comfort myself from the pain and worry over having a child diagnosed with autism, the loss of my professional identity, the stress of going from two incomes to one while I stay home with the girls, etc.
I am only 25 pounds away from my ideal weight, but the thing that bothers me the most about all of this isn’t those numbers or my body image... it is the message I have been sending to my approaching tween. I have heard her ask, “am I fat?” and “do I need to lose weight?” Although I will not take complete responsibility for this, I do take some.
I know she quietly sees me looking in the mirror with displeasure and hears me complaining about my outer appearance. She is a product of her mother! But, I also know that the children of today are more consumed with body image than we ever were. They are inundated with magazines and technology showing women that demonstrate perfection…. Let’s face it Sex and Image sells. Britney Spears is a perfect example of a generation x persona that gives a false image to the teens. In more recent times, Miley Cyrus (Hanna Montana) sells ‘sexy’ underwear, makeup, flashy purses and clothing… persuading the tweens and teens to have a certain image.
These young famous girls on the center stage have perfect shapes and complexions… makeup artists, lighting, and computer touch ups make these kids look immaculate. I suppose Barbie is just as bad. When my oldest was little I refused to buy any Barbie dolls for this exact reason. However, when Sahara received a Barbie doll from a kid for her birthday last year… it was over. Let’s face it this plastic personified doll has a perfect body, perfect hair, perfect friends, and a perfect boyfriend, Ken. We are hardwiring our little girls that they need to create this perfect image for themselves.
By the time these young girls are faced with their own emerging bodies, the peers come along… they are influential—regardless of how much we try to stay the primary influence, peers get a hold of our little angels and it is over. (I have found the ones with teenage sisters are the worse.) But, yes, even at 10 years of age, they are commenting about body image and outer body appearance. What is a mother to do?!?!
Firstly, take your own inventory… that is what I had to do. Somewhere along the avenue of mothering my approaching tween, I realized my body perception was influencing hers. I, now, create opportunities for her to see an average woman who is okay with her image. I want her to develop the awareness that it is okay to love yourself as you are and that your self-worth is not contingent on having a certain body image.
Role models start at the top and although we do not remain the primary influence of our young daughters… they are still watching. And if you can be confident in your skin regardless of the brand of clothes you wear, the loss of an 18 year old body, the healthier message they receive about how to perceive themselves.
I am presently 9 months away from my 40th birthday and am making a commitment to get to my ideal weight by that time. Not because I have a distorted body image that needs to be addressed, but more importantly because I want to be healthier and be a better role model for my young daughters. With heart disease and diabetes running rampid on both sides of their family tree, I want them to understand that the more they respect and take care of their body-temple the longer they will have it.
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