Happy 10th Birthday!

Do you remember the anticipation you felt on the eve of your 10th birthday? Turning double digits!! You eagerly went to bed certain you would be a completely different person upon rising... But, sleep didn’t come easy.

You lay there awake, your mind focused on that number… 10… it signified so much; perfection, coming full circle, centeredness. Although, as a blooming tween, your mind wasn’t focused on that symbolism as much as the party and being an almost teen… just 3 more years, that is 36 short months.

Girl, you rocked! You were on top of your game.

Then you woke up… you had to admit you didn’t feel much different than last night, however you did feel the surge of adrenaline pumping through you as you remembered your friends would soon be here to help greet you into the next decade of your life. You jumped out of bed to the smell of your special breakfast and your birthday was in full swing.

During my birthday breakfast the high pitched ring of the phone broke the excited chatter between me and my four siblings. My mom’s voice answered the phone; she guarded her words. Glances were darted around the room, but I seemed to be the only one who didn’t understand. When she was done with her muffled conversation she took me to my room.

What!?!? We did everything together. This was my big 10! We just talked about it last night about what we were wearing. I didn’t understand why my three cousins wouldn’t be coming. It didn’t make sense. Then she told me…

My favorite aunt, their mom, how?!?! I didn’t want to believe it. Moms don’t die. I know, she had been sick for some time, but she was going to get better. She just had to.

I don’t know how long I laid there crying. I remember feeling an incredible sense of grief and just couldn’t pull myself together. Then my sister yelled, “Perry is here!” My first guest, for my first big party, the whole class was coming. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day, but I brushed my long blonde hair, put on my floral sundress, and headed out to the backyard.

…I still have the golden heart locket Perry gave me that year. Maybe as a treasure for my 10th birthday — from my first guest who had a hidden crush on me… or maybe as a hidden momentum for the broken heart that I endured that day. At ten I was sure I was all that, but somehow my aunt’s death seemed to snap me back to reality.

30 years later, as I prepared for my own daughter’s 10th celebration, I was determined to have it be a memory she, too, would never forget. Only this memory would be one of joy, laughter, and friendship. I know we cannot control the unforeseen, but I would do the best to protect her from the pain I endured on my 10th birthday. She was to feel like she was on top of the world for the whole day.

“Double digits, double the fun! Pick out your two favorite activities and that is what we are doing.”

So, on Saturday afternoon (with friends in tow) we headed to the horse barn. Most of the kids had never been on a horse before; the amazement in their eyes was enough to tell me that this was a moment being embedded in their youthful memories. The laughter flowed from them as they fed the horses carrots and apples. (This was way cooler than any commercialized birthday party.)

When I finished gathering the backpacks scattered by the arena, I turned to find the kids on the tractor bed bailing hay. They were working, but they didn’t know it… amazing!

Later they splashed in the pool; foreign squeals filled the farm air. After a splashing game of Marco-Polo, we headed back to the house for ice cream, cake, hot dogs and, of course, presents. She received gifts that were meaningful to her; a dinosaur shadow box was among her favorite along with art supplies and stuffed animals. I silently wondered if one would end up on the bottom of her hope chest, like my gold heart from Perry.

I felt a sense of accomplishment as I nestled down for the night; my thoughts swirling around the new generation full of stars in their eyes.