The Ultimate Gift For Dad

We went to Grandma’s house for a week… the children had a blast splashing in the pool, playing with Grandma, visiting the Zoo, and even going on an African Safari complete with hand feeding buffalo, giraffe, monkeys, camels, and more.

But, truth be known, it was Daddy’s Father’s Day present; a whole week to himself to do whatever he pleased… What filled his spare time didn’t concern me; I trusted him explicitly to appropriately utilize this heartfelt gift to whatever he deemed necessary to fill his spirit.

What did matter… was that he was able to step away from the daily responsibilities of juggling a family, a demanding career, and the many struggles a man faces when his child experiences autism.

He didn’t have to listen to, "When are you coming home?" a thousand times because I was so exhausted from the demands of the day and needed relief. When those 4:45 calls start… he knows he will have to jump out of the role of professional right into the role of daddy just so I could go lay on the bathroom floor for 10 brief minutes to recharge my own batteries.

He didn’t have to attend to my technical incompetence after he just spent a day at the office listening to a bunch of whining adults about their technical woes. I am sure all week he had a sense of relief when he came in through the door knowing he wasn’t going to have to trouble shoot why my outlook address book wasn’t syncing with my mailbox or why I couldn’t print the Webkinz adoption certificates.

We were tempted to get him a shirt instead that stated, "No I won’t fix your computer!" … somehow a week off seemed more appealing to his nature.

I am sure he indulged in a few cigars and drank a High Ball (whiskey and 7-up) while listening to nothing... quietness, I am sure, enveloped him. Certainly, this was a foreign sound from the ten years of child driven noises and 21 years with a woman who loves to talk. I am sure he basked in this delight!

(Yes, I suppose I am a bit jealous… but, I’ll get over it.)

I am just as certain that it was not all pleasure. I know my husband and know that in the recess of his mind he still worried about whether or not the therapy and doctor bills were paid… Whether or not our child was getting enough nutrition and the appropriate services… Whether or not he would ever be able to hold a meaningful conversation with his daughter… Whether or not the girls would be provided for if we were to die... Maybe, he even contemplated whether or not it would be easier on him if he left us (like in 85% of marriages that are faced with autism).

But, I am comforted that by Sunday morning he emailed me saying, "I miss my 3 women! When did you say you were coming home?"

I learned that by the time Sunday night arrived he desperately missed us. I suppose I am reassured that he found himself yearning to rummage around for Red Bear so Emily could sleep and that he missed the nonstop chatter of Sahara having to recite an entire scene from Shark Tales before she could nestle down for the night. I am glad that the house at times was too quiet for him.

I have come to terms that there are moments that seem so hard and painful in the world of autism that it seems easier to run away … but that is why each of us need this type of break now and then, to not only recharge our batteries, but to shatter this illusion and acknowledge that the grass is perfect on this side of the spectrum.